Crazy people don't know they're crazy. And I'm perfectly fine.

What do you buy the man who has everything?

2008-12-28T00:10:00.002-05:00

You know those fuckers you envy? Or perhaps it's just your dad, or a friend. "What do I get him/her for a birthday gift. He/She has everything!" Do they really have everything?

Stuck here in my apartment, I was bored and watched The Family Man. Nicolas Cage: mid 30's, president of an M&A firm, drives a 575 Maranello, owns 200 Zegna suits in the same fucking color. I want to be THAT guy. That single fucker who can buy whatever he wants. I mean, with a job that I like of course.

Do we NEED everything? My friends always ask me why I don't aspire to be "the guy who has everything." THAT fucker who's got the fast car, wife, family, kids, the whole shebang. Why should I be? I might need a combination of the above, but I don't want it.

If I have it all, what the fuck are my friends going to get me for my birthday??

Art has no function unto itself.

2008-12-12T15:50:00.001-05:00

Art is every day life, just glorified.

Fuck life. In a different way.

2008-12-02T12:10:00.001-05:00

Life and How to Survive It

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who
triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many,
many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.

You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters'
degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life. You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their
convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as
graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against
average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance
out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you
will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look.
This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left.
A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a
living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and,
at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest
comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for
two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some
other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a
very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop
yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling
superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you
don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated. It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own
convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate
towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not
offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without
deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far
easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard
work - the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call
happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We
celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by
chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly
weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to
inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body,
completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.

- Courtesy of my friend Chai

Quiittt bitttchhiiiiinnnnn'

2008-07-22T02:15:00.002-04:00

Right-o. So apparently I gotta quit bitchin' and just get my life on the go. For those of you whom I've bitched to.... eh... yea. If you think it's too much, it's all good. Thanks. But if you wana tell me otherwise, I don't give a fuck. And since I think life is so boring, here are a few things I might wanna do before I'm 30:

- Skydive
- Go to Trance Energy/Sensation White
- Smoke a fat blunt in Amsterdam
- Go to Ibiza for a summer of unadulterated partying
- Head to Nepal/Bhutan to smoke hash and take pictures
- Buy a BMW M3 with cash
- Supercar tour package in Germany? mmm?
- Maybe quit smoking.

As some of you might know, suicide has crossed my mind before. Especially while under the influence of a lot of alcohol. I think what really scares me is the prospect of spending eternity in damnation once you pull the trigger (or however else you choose to do yourself the favor.) It's weird, because I don't give a shit about going to heaven. Then why should I be afraid of hell? Weird huh. But at least that's keeping me alive.

Ah well. So I guess this is it. Time to put the balls to the walls and live out these years with the contempt for life as my fuel. Not gonna look back cos I won't give a fuck about what I miss. Amen.

Retrograde motion in progress

2008-07-06T11:44:00.002-04:00

Yea.... it's been a while. It HAS been a while. Let's see where we've been in the past few months, starting from the last blog post. According to Google Calendars, I was raped with fucking midterms until Tax Day, after which two projects were due. In the meantime however, I was probably too drunk to come blog.

I know I've bitched numerous times (understatement) about how I resent binge drinking. But I have to admit that the 8 or so weeks left in the semester were filled with exactly that. Thursday, Friday, Saturday nights. Maybe squeeze in a pint or two during the week to unwind. All in all I probably spent about $80 a week drinking? That doesn't sound like very much, but in a town where a drink is only $2, that sorta is. I guess I found some good friends who, despite having fun with when I was pretty much drunk as shit, I could have a good time with when I wasn't either. So is it the company you keep? And does alcohol help you make friends you keep for life through "nights you won't remember but memories that last forever"? (Some shit like that. It didn't make any fucking sense to me so I didn't bother noting it down well.)

I guess it was good just to do it all over again. An ex-boss of mine said this shit comes in phases. You go out like a maniac, become a hermit, then go out like a maniac, and when it's all said and done and some girl has managed to keep you at home... then uh.... I guess you're stuck home. Thank god I'm not there yet. Perhaps never.

So... back in Sillypore for the summer. It's nice to be back. Al fresco dining/drinking. No crowds and rowdy bullshit, if you know where to go. But then shit gets a little mundane. I mean, I guess it's cos it's quite expensive to party here. You're easily dropping 100 a night, and when you've got a next-to-nothing income, that's shite. Oh well, city living. Gotta love it.

This post sounds fucking boring cos I am in fact, bored outta my fucking mind. Kinda been thinkin about where the hell I'm going to live when I graduate next year. I mean, there's no way in hell I'm moving back. Within the first few days back, I found so many things to complain about. And it was mostly about the culture and the way people are here. I just, can't take it anymore? I guess you sorta grow fond of the way how Americans are friendly on the street. (Though you do get the occasional arse.) Here it's all about getting ahead. Not giving way on the roads, subway, or the fucking elevator. I tried not to drive for two to three weeks, until my dad coerced me to use the car. Within 5 days my blood pressure had gone up, and I was on a honking spree. "THESE MOTHERFUCKERSSSSSSSSS!!!!!" I don't know man. Where would be a good place to go? Let's just hope I can get a job in the good ol USA, so I can get that Aston DB9. (For the same price, you couldn't even buy a fucking BMW Coupe here.)

So for now, I'm just waiting till summer's over so I can go back and get on with the liver damage.

Quiet little place

2008-03-17T20:38:00.002-04:00

Handsome Boy Modeling School feat. Cat Power - I've Been Thinking

Being back at school blows. Talked to a friend today. Haven't seen her in a month or so. And apparently this place gets her down too. Strange isn't it? Quaint little town. Full of rowdy drunk motherfuckers.

So besides the fact that Penn State is filled to the brim with frat boys and sorority girls, it fucking sucks that there's no place you can really hide away to besides your own room. I think that's what it is. (It's St.Patrick's day today, for the record. And it's crowded EVERYWHERE. On a fucking Monday. Another lame excuse for college kids to get drunk.)

Looking for your private space can be nice. And once you've found it, it's even better. Adriel was out at Hacienda for a night of indulgence. Mmm... Hacienda. The good ol spot for $5 Hoegaarden at Happy Hour, on a grey mesh chair under a big tree lit by fairy lights. Piped acid jazz in the background spun by this .... pretty cool bald DJ with a bajillion tattoos. The cool night air and a sip of sweet Belgian beer. Always a good time for a night out with the guys. (And then off somewhere else for cheap late night food.)

I guess you can't really go ANYWHERE in this town. Cos there's nowhere to go. And if you do go somewhere, you can't drive cos the fucking cops are out there waiting to get you. Every where you go, you see the same people. Fuck. And no matter where you go, it's always crowded.

Where is that quiet little place?

Something to share.

2007-12-27T10:46:00.000-05:00

Thanks Marc.

Second Skin

2007-12-27T00:01:00.000-05:00

I'm trying really hard to remember who I was talking to... but she asked me if I feel like I have to watch what I say around people in school, girls especially. (It's prob Rachael but... I can't say for sure.) And it took me a while to answer. Initially I had said "no, not really." Not really = sometimes I do. Here's an example of something I might NOT say at school:

*at Bloomingdale's on Xmas Eve*

Me: That gift card's cute.
V: Did you just call that card cute?
Cashier Lady smiles.
Me (to Lady): Why, is that a word that guys don't use?
Cashier Lady: No, not too much.

CUTE. Why the fuck can't guys use the word cute? If a dog's cute, it's cute. If a girl's cute, she's cute. If a baby's cute, it's cute. So why can't inanimate objects be cute? How the fuck else would you say it?? "That is very pleasant looking." EVEN GUYS DON'T SAY THAT. That would come across as ODD/WEIRD/GAY. And then you'd say: "Guys just don't say anything." Well guess what assholes, just too fucking bad. I like to comment and vocalize my appreciation for an item's 'cute-ness'. If you can't deal with it, fuck you!

Right. Back to the point. I feel that at Penn State, you somehow have to make sure your diction is "manly". For a college-aged male, you can't talk about shoes, fashion, furniture, etc. Very... aesthetic things. You can't call clothes beautiful. You can't say you love to wear pastel, that you like to accessorize, and make sure shit matches. That makes you GAY. (Fuck, since when was making sure you look nice a crime.) You just gotta.... put shit together and DO it.

(For those of you who know, you know for a fact that I'm probably one of the farthest from man-love. I have nothing against gays, but I just love women too much.)
But I think it is the lack of a freedom of verbal diarrhea that adds to my feeling of being trapped in a box at State College. You have to be so calculative at certain times when you talk to people, because they are ever so quick to judge. Saying the wrong thing could totally kill your game, but saying the fake right things... how long's that gonna last?

Oh, and apparently women love it when you notice details, but you shouldn't be TOO observant. Agreed. That would be fucking creepy. But would it be a crime to say her accessories match her eyes?

New friend

2007-11-29T03:41:00.000-05:00

Current night-time friend: Diphenhydramine HCl 25mg
Looking for new night-time friend: Diazepam 2mg

Please call or email if you are able to locate my new friend. Thanks.

God , I'm about 50 bucks short on the change here

2007-11-27T03:08:00.000-05:00

I'm sure everyone feels shortchanged by life once in a while. Come to think of it, I feel like I've been fucked over for a few years now. That is not to say that I have a lot of things in life that people would die for. College fees paid for, a great family, not to worry too much about my expenses, good friends (who will be at my wedding and see me grow grey hair), and good health. (Sorta, besides the fucking disc degeneration.)

Somehow we always manage to focus only on the fucked up, shitty things. Which is exactly what I've been doing lately.

I prayed a few weeks back (yes, I did. Surprisingly.) and asked God for some 'happiness.' Many say happiness is what you make of it. Which is true. But you can't ALWAYS be happy. (I guess it ain't my turn yet.) Then as soon as I did, things started looking up. The girls I was trying to date finally said they had boyfriends, allowing me to cross em off the list. Then I met a real nice lady whom I had a great time talking to, and even asked me to go to church with her. (Yea my mom would fucking love THAT.)

I, being me, got content. Complacent. And started to slip w/the prayers. 'Happiness' got the best of me, I started picking up more shifts at work because I felt good, and didn't give God enough credit I guess. I mean, how much is 'enough'?? Did I expend all my happiness too quickly? Was it time for God to take it back? Did I fuck up and let my self-absorption get in the way of humility? I became one of those fucking Sunday Catholics. The kind who ask for help when they need it. The kind who go to church on Sunday morning pretending to give peace to everyone, only to get back in their cars at the end of mass and call the guy who parked in front of them a "fucking asshole who could've parked elsewhere." Yup, I slipped. I'm that guy who just grabs and goes, then goes down the road telling everyone they have road rage when I'm telling them to fuck the hell off with a pistol in hand.

A friend said that perhaps God is testing me. And at the end of it all, I will have lived a fuller life than others. Really? A test, that drives you to self-fucking-up-ness? To cigarettes and alcohol? Test after test after test, layered upon itself like a piece of paper folded many times, increasing its thickness exponentially? At least that has an end. A test with no end? Great.

I guess I'll just take the pennies and live with 'em. Fuck life.

Playthings of the Gods

2007-11-27T02:22:00.000-05:00

"All plots head towards death." Just something I learned in one of my English classes. And with Greek tragedies, humans feel like they're just pawns on a board, fiddled with by the Gods at their whim and fancy. Right, we can see how this post is diving right into depression, lugeing its way down the ice chute at breakneck speed, the only way it's going to stop is coming to a sudden, fatal crash. But how the fuck are you going to know you've stopped when you're dead?

I suppose you don't really notice all the normal, nice, everyday things when you're traveling that fast. Colors become a blur, shapes become indefinite strips, edges become a single continuous line with no end in sight. The beauty that surrounds you become deadly appendage-hurting/ripping/maiming objects. Things become what they aren't, and all perspective is lost........ and you can't stop it.

It's back to feeling like the world is unsympathetic. That nobody understands. I suppose nobody ever will. How can one fully sympathize with another when life itself is a unique experience? If it weren't unique, would it still be a life lived? Einstein once said that "only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." Do we always live for others? For our parents, family, friends? How bout for yourself? It sounds selfish, but I think people need to take a break, and do things for themselves sometimes. (Ha, and you never take your own advice. Fuck me.)

Perhaps I should go back to being the college-hating, life-loathing, chain-smoking alcoholic I once was. At least it's consistent. Rather than riding the fucking ice-luge tunnel of death with its twists and turns that blindside you and throw you around no matter how 'prepared' you are. Fuck.

"Life is just one damned thing after another." - Elbert Hubbard

And could you just hold that thought... and forcefully remove yourself..

2007-11-27T02:00:00.000-05:00

Mark Norman Feat. Celine - Colour My Eyes
(don't bother about the graphic.)

Pleasure derived from retail therapy is directly proportionate to the cost of the purchase

2007-11-21T12:05:00.001-05:00

So Marc popped the question of "Why does retail therapy feel so good?"

I said it's because we like new things. It's an expression (and extension) of yourself when you acquire products that reflect you/your lifestyle. Buying new things also allow you to revamp your image, etc. It's like building new stuff on top of the old. Your tastes are ever evolving, but your style should be rather constant.

Marc thinks it's something of a status symbol. To show others that you've "made it." ie. If you were driving around in a... Mercedes S-Class. It's like saying.. "mm hmm.. I'm enjoying life...got my golf bag in the trunk... a nice quiet cabin... and.. it's great." Makes sense also. Or buying a Burberry scarf. I mean, you could really get cheaper scarves, but.... hey. It's Burberry.

He just bought an iPod shuffle online, (and lied to me that it was for his girlfriend. Fucker.) and thought it would satiate his craving to 'help the economy', but it apparently hasn't. I hypothesized it was because he didn't actually go to the store, feel the physical product, pay for it (either with cash or physically signing a receipt), stick it in a bag and bring it home. Then unwrap the new purchase with glee. All it took were a few clicks and the iPod was on its way home. It's like checking your email! What's so special about that. You don't get the "ahhhhhhhhhh.... I can't wait to get home so I can play w/this damn thing!" feeling.

Therefore, the pleasure derived from retail therapy is directly proportionate to the cost of the purchase (made in person).

Growing pains

2007-11-17T11:09:00.000-05:00

They always say things start going downhill after you turn 21, 30, 40, 50, whatever. I had another discussion with a friend about the entitlement of happiness. The consensus was that happiness is what you make of it. It's all about perspective, and making the most of what you have.

The past few weeks have seriously sucked. It's not easy growing up. (Or having grown up too fast.) To be there for your family when they need you, to do your job well - in this case to study hard etc. - and to take care of yourself. Basically, being an adult. I think it takes a lot of compartmentalization in your mind to separate rational thought, systematic planning, and crazed emotions so that you can function properly throught the day/week without feeling too fucked up. Does it get worse? A full time job, dating, paying rent and bills, helping to pay for your brother and sister's college tuition/expenses? Then when you're 30-something, add kids to that equation plus a morgage and 4 times your perishables consumption and you've got a granite sphere flying down the north face of Everest.

So I guess the whole point of college for me....... is really to learn a lot about myself. Where I stand in terms of comfort zones, life plans, etc. The things I want to be, and the things I DON'T want to be. It's painful, but... it's gotta be done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Pain is weakness leaving the body." - Some sick fuck.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” - Lance Armstrong

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” - Jim Morrison

The Entitlement of Happiness

2007-11-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

I'm back on Facebook. Why? Because Adriel the King of Wastrels invited me to join a group that's invite only, and features include : Restaurant websites, discussions on how to spend more money that you do NOT have, drinks and golf and the good life. No, really. That is why I rejoined facebook. I'm glad I haven't become re-addicted to it.

The recent weeks have sucked balls. I mean, really sucked balls. I repeat, SUCKED BALLS. Things going on w/the family - Aunt in the hospital, Mom asking me about my sis' college options, Dad asking me about bro's army plans - and then exams... and other bullshit going on here and there. Made me wonder why my life at college is so miserable. I mean, why does everything have to happen ALL AT ONE GO? (though sometimes a lot of pain at once is better than constant pain)

I haven't been truly happy for quite a while, to be honest. I mean, yea I have a fucking ball w/the guys... at Hacienda, on the golf course, at MoS/Zouk. But those are just brief moments of euphoria, of joy, and drunken wild abandon. How about true happiness? Waking up in the morning knowing that you're loved, that life has a purpose, and even though tomorrow might be a terrible day, you don't give a flying fuck because deep down inside, you're pleased and satisfied with the way things are. And it calms you.

So are we, as human beings, entitled to happiness? Do we deserve to be happy at least ONCE in our lives?? Is it our given right, just because we're alive, to be able to experience this... thing we like to call happiness - knowing in the back of your mind that it'll be okay, and that life at the moment is the best thing there is? I asked Marc.. and he said no. I think I agree.

I guess a ton of people are born into poverty, broken homes, no homes, bad living conditions, bad social conditions... etc. Will they ever be happy? For some reason I feel that kids in rural areas find happiness in their own way. Perhaps they haven't understood the complexities of life yet. And maybe that's the reason people who live in remote areas are so happy. Their lives are simple. But back to the question... I don't think happiness really falls into people's laps. Or from the sky. Or whatever. I think it's a state of mind that has to be consciously achieved. To be satisfied with what you have, then appreciate it to realize its true value. And then again.. sometimes I think karma's got a huge part to play in it. Do bad, and you get bad shit. Do good, and you'll get... fun stuff.

Some people live their whole lives in misery. Sometimes it could be by choice, sometimes not. You can't really choose what you want to feel all the time. Otherwise we'd be a pack of fucked up cold blooded animals. Or robots. Like Bender in Futurama. (Been watching too much late night tv/cartoon reruns.)

No More Fucking Facebook

2007-10-22T22:52:00.000-04:00

Currently listening to: Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel - America & Emiliana Torrini - Unemployed in Summertime

Everyone's asking me why I quite Facebook. Just a few simple reasons:

-All the newsfeed shows are pictures of my so-called friends getting wasted with red plastic cups.
-We all know how I hate red plastic cups.
-We all know how I hate drunk kids.
-We all know I hate college.

Facebook serves as a daily reminder of why I hate college so much. As much as I love it for keeping in touch with my friends, it has pissed me off too much. My friends can reach me on MSN, AIM, email, and cellphone. You guys know I never turn my phone off. Perhaps one day I will return to it, but not anytime soon. Out of sight, out of mind. Hopefully for good.

From my buddy Jason: "I didn't expect u to stay long in facebook pending your long history of despising instituitions of social networking that fail to even scratch the surface of human ingenuity."

Well said my friend.

Gilmore Girls

2007-10-16T17:55:00.000-04:00

So, most of my lady friends know that I love the Gilmore Girls. That sounds seriously gay but who cares. The mom is hot. That's all that matters. (Gay, you say?) I think the scriptwriter must be on crack, because they talk so fast, and have such witty remarks that nobody would think of in a split second. It's cute though. And the mom is hot.

Here's what Family Guy thinks of it:

From today's re-run on ABC Family:

Priest: A woman's virtue is a gift... and... once that gift is given away, it cannot be re-given. Do you know what I'm saying?
Rory: No..... not quite.
Priest: Well, this gift can only be given to one man, and one man only. So you must choose wisely. And if you cannot give it to the man you marry... then you'll just have to buy him a sweater.
Rory: Ah. Well my gift ship has left the dock and sailed..... a while ago. It's probably in Fiji by now.
Priest: Oh.
Rory: Have you seen the 40-Year Old Virgin? I think you might like it.

The mom is hot. Period.

2007: The Year of Change

2007-10-15T19:03:00.000-04:00

My friend Terrie and I had a rough year (Fall 2006, and Spring 2007). At the turn of the last calendar year, I managed to quit smoking and dealt w/my alcoholism. Then my grades got better, and transitioned into one of the best summers I've had in a while. As for Terrie, things looked up too. She started running, doing more cardio, getting things done, like how she wanted it.

The past two months here have shown me a lot more about change. I still hold my resentment towards State College, for making my life a duality of silent misery and enthusiasm for education. I vow never to return again. As you grow, your thoughts get deeper. You get more discerning. You learn to make decisions and actions that hold greater consequence, and accept responsibility for those consequences. You learn to push through, not veering off the course you've chosen.

I'm afraid I can't say the same for some people - the ones that I trusted, the ones whom I thought mattered just a little more than the everyday acquaintance. I'm glad for the ones who are have not failed me time and time again. They'll be coming to my wedding and having champagne for breakfast. (and lunch, and dinner.)

I'm also glad I've met a handful of genuine people here. Better than none. And I'm thankful. It's a good change.

So begins another little chapter in my life, where I have decided to let the following people out of my life:
-the ones who are fucked up
-the ones who don't care
-the ones who pretend to care
-the ones who don't want to grow up
-the ones who will never grow up

And welcome the following:
-the ones who are genuine
-the ones who care
-the ones who try
-the ones who want to grow up
-the ones who make me smile from time to time

2007: The Year of Change.

A thought from 1 million stolen ecstacy pills.

2007-10-15T15:05:00.000-04:00

You're born, you take shit.
Get out in the world, you take more shit.
Climb a little higher, take less shit.
Till one day you're up in the rarified atmosphere,
and you've forgotten what shit even looks like.

-Layer Cake

And where do you go?

2007-10-15T00:23:00.000-04:00

I think the feeling of resentment towards college life stems from one thing. Loneliness. It's not something manly to admit, or something that's easy to admit at all, but what can you do when that's the truth? There's a great sense of abandonment. I grew up being very independent, individualistic, and not really wanting or needing anything from anybody. But I guess getting older makes you realize that humans are social creatures, and hermits are just nutcases. (Or people with extreme mental strength.) And as time drifts by, you get better at discerning the true friends from the ones that are just there to hang out with. Social friends. Not the ones you'd invite to your wedding, and definitely not the ones who would come to your funeral.

So when you stand alone, and your friends aren't physically there for you, where do you go? Jesus? Muhammed? God? My disillusionment with religion came after I lived in Manila and saw the poor praying all day, sitting in their shanty towns, and... praying some more. Money's not gonna fall from the sky man.. I've turned to cigarettes and alcohol more than once in hope of distracting my mind. Didn't really work out well. I'm considering turning there again, despite having experienced the pitfalls of these substances. I never wanted to be in the position where if I didn't have something, I'd pray for it. I never wanted to use religion as a crutch.

But I guess life is forcing me to consider that as an option. And I guess God/whomever's up there, is giving me the biggest chance in the world to learn about myself. That was my goal of coming out to the middle of nowhere: to receive an education for my future, and more importantly, to have time to reflect about my life - who I am, who I was, and who I REALLY want to be. I don't think life was meant to be easy. Although I think the trick to life is making it LOOK easy. So this experience here in bumfuck nowhere isn't any different. It's hard. It's lonely. It gives me time to reflect about who I am and who I want to be. And I think I'm getting a pretty fucking good idea.

I really miss home. My family. Grandma, aunts, cousins, uncles, bro, sis, dog. My car. My friends who would do anything for me at the drop of a dime. (Whom I'd do the same for.) Ultimately, these are the people who matter. I don't have to put their names down. They know who they are.

I don't want pity, nor attention. I want support. But I'm too proud to ask for it. Fuck me.

College demographics

2007-10-12T13:32:00.000-04:00

Hmm.. more thoughts on college while I'm on a roll.

I went to coffee on Wed night w/a colleague, and she happened to provide me with some insight regarding the demographics of Penn State college kids. "What you have here, are white, middle-class kids from Pennsylvania. They live in the suburbs and in towns. They love sports, beer, and football." I'm glad she said that because it's been something I've bitched about a lot, but never really had a pinpoint definition or phrase for it.

I sorta remember writing about class differences a while ago, but through review of my own blog I didn't really find anything. So here goes (sorry if you have to read this all over again). My personal opinion on class isn't really about money, but rather they way one carries oneself. You could be really rich, but trashy like Paris Hilton. Or, you could have just enough to live, but carry yourself with dignity and modesty. Yea, I'm sure money has to play a part in it, because the affluent have more money to go for fine dining, attend cocktails etc. which allows the youth of that "social class" to be exposed to more demure behaviour. Go figure the cause & effect.

I bitched to Marc about being sick and tired of kids who rattle on about football statistics, like how many rush/pass yards this one team has, what the completion percentage is for a particular QB. But then he threw it back at me and goes "But we rattle on about 0-100km/h stats for cars, horsepower, handling and weight distribution."

So I guess it boils down to rattling on about diff things. I like electronic music, films, european cars, art, clothing, shoes. College kids like radio music, football, marijuana, frat parties. Well, Penn State college kids that is. A friend visited over the weekend from NY, and her boyfriend who goes to MIT came along too. Both of them agreed that they can't believe I go to school here because... it's not ME. (But here I am.) And at MIT/Wellesley the party scene is very different. Not so meat-head-y, and you can apparently strike up an intellectual conversation at a party. (Which I've yet to find here.)

Which leads me to think, are my peers from high school enjoying college more than I am, because they're in a more intellectual environment? (Most of them are in Ivy Leagues. Or the good schools in England.) I'm not trying to say that I'm really smart or anything, but I did go to a school that was really challenging, academically, and the kids were smart. (My lifestyle didn't really reflect it, though.) So maybe I was used to just talking about more things other than sports and "how hard classes are" and .... THE WEATHER. And arriving here was a sudden damper in the flow of those things.

Someone mentioned to me that she hated her freshman year at Penn State. I was frankly quite surprised, thinking that she was a PSU lover. I guess I assumed wrongly. She hated it because she did "college" things, just for the sake of doing them. She'd drink a lot because everyone else was doing it, and then hate the hangovers but still continue. Then she'd tell her parents she was having a good time and really liking college just because that was what people told their parents, and she didn't wanna be a whiner or something.

It's nice to know that there are people who don't enjoy it here too. Not because I hate it, and want more anger towards school, but just to know that someone sorta understands. I don't think college culture will change though. It's been this way since ..... 1855. (That's the date my school was established. Kids here love the quote: "Having more fun than you since 1855." You weren't born back then, dumbass.)

I actually do feel bad when writing stuff like that, about differences and whatnot. It sounds kinda condescending doesn't it? But my friend Hannah says that's what a blog is for. So here it is. Deal with it.

Lost in the High Glow

2007-10-05T18:17:00.000-04:00

Currently listening to: Taxigirl - High Glow

But what if I lose my way?

2007-10-03T13:30:00.001-04:00

Borrowed from Kristina.

2007-10-02T08:30:00.000-04:00

"Recipe for failure: take one part natural talent, two parts stellar education, mix with easy success and a generous helping of booze, drugs, and women, and immediately set on fire." -Anthony Bourdain

I love my life.

Fuck life.

2007-10-01T09:25:00.000-04:00

Previously listening to: Imogen Heap - Hide & Seek (DJ Tiesto's In Search of Sunrise 6 Mix)
Currently listening to: Imogen Heap - Hide & Seek (Dj Yukun's U2 vs Imogen Heap Mash Mix)
Loves listening to: right. Like we can't tell.

This morning I woke up ... at 645am for my class... and it was dark. It was a sudden awakening, to the sound of Daft Punk's 'Aerodynamic'. It used to be bright in the mornings. But it's getting darker. Brighter later, darker earlier, darker longer. I was happily dreaming about being at MoS with the boys and especially my lil brother Gabe... with Armin Van Buuren spinning a 4hr set. (He's coming to DC on Nov 10, that's why.) Then as we're walking outside... I dream that a guy on the street has 'Aerodynamic' as his ring tone.. and....... yea.

I think I have Seasonal Depression. I guess a lot of people suffer from it. So it's not big deal. But hey, it's happening. The weekend was spent rather sober. Thanks to the fucking sciatica in my left leg. "Don't be drinkin now Greg." - Dr.Patterson. Not that I drink a lot anyways.

Saturday was spent drinking a Hoegaarden out of a hexagonal pint glass. "It brings out the flavor." Damn fucking straight it does. Drinking out of a glass let's you taste the beer, and if the glass is deep, you can even smell the orange peels rising outta that Hoegaarden. (Heineken requires a different glass, and so does stout, or any other lager etc. Go figure, bitch.)

Then I went to see Evan Almighty with Scotty boy. Twas a sober day. I don't know man. I went to see it cos it's a funny movie, and cos of Lauren Graham. Funny as it is, it made me think about God and religion in general. A couple weeks ago, as I was pondering about all this shit... two guys come up to me for a little survey using picturecards. They were from CRU (some Christian organization on campus) which... was fine with me. And one of them gave me a book titled 'Jesus without Religion'. (I read two chapters and exams happened. But I shall post about it when I'm done.) Which... kinda made me think about "God works in mysterious ways." Ya know? It always hits you when you least expect it. "When people ask God for patience, he doesn't just suddenly give them all the tolerance in the world. He gives them an opportunity to acquire it." - Morgan Freeman as 'God'. Well, that wasn't a quote but it was somewhere along those lines. So.... is this an opportunity for 'salvation' and so I won't burn in hell for eternity when I'm done with this life?

I guess Saturday was movie night. Cos we went back to the apartment and put Layer Cake on. If you haven't seen it, you should. It stars Daniel Craig (james Bond?) and Sienna Miller (crazy bitch from Alfie who is super hot). It's got a crazy plot and involves lots of drugs and some violence. British movie, so... funny ass comments. It's also got a sick soundtrack. (Which is on repeat in my iPod. eg. FC Kahuna's 'Hayling' and the Stones' 'Gimme Shelter'.) What I loved too was the tailored blazers, suits... boots.. jeans... all that GQ shit. This "boss" dude was riding around in a Bentley with his own security force, and his driver was ex-Scotland Yard. I bet he's got his personal clothier too (judging from the fact that he has his own library.) Keeps life in perspective.

I don't know. I think being sober in this town is getting to me. I need a night @ Hacienda with the boys, downing a pint (yes, just one.) of Hoegaarden or Kilkenny or some proper beer on tap. Why do we pay 8 bucks for a pint? Cos of the fucking ambience dumbass! Cos I wanna drink my beverage out of a GLASS. Not a fucking red plastic cup. Cos I wanna taste beer. Not fill my bladder with callous fluid. I wanna talk about shit I can't afford, like that new BMW 330Ci that costs SGD300K or whatever. About the new Audi A5 that's coming out, or the Maserati Quattroporte (in white with Tan interior) I'd like as a family car when I'm about 40-45. Or about how Stephen loves Chinese movies although he's Indian, Ben's hardcore gayness, Adriel's 'power fade' that could possibly return to the tee box. About those times we shared in the depths of Maju Camp, happily typing emails at 7am, writing documents till 4am for the 6am run/march/activity. About LIFE.

Fuck that "light" beer out of a nasty silver can. Fuck the red plastic cup. Fuck beer pong and flipcup. Fuck vodka in a plastic 1.75L bottle (are you serious?? Doesn't cleaning alcohol come out of a plastic bottle??). Fuck drinking till you get drunk. Fuck brightly lit apartment parties that make you feel self conscious and awkward because you don't know anyone but who gives a fuck because everyone else is feeling the same way. Fuck the state troopers. Fuck dirty elevators. Fuck seasonal depressional disorder. Fuck that cigarettes cause cancer. Fuck the niceties of a small rural town in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Fuck life. FUCK COLLEGE.

I'd buy one.

An Epistle

2007-04-08T01:33:00.000-04:00

I wrote this as an assignment I had to do for my Poetry class. It IS a little dramatized, I have to admit. But it's all for the sake of artistic _________ (insert word which I cannot recall at this moment here). (Artistic... integrity? some shit.)

To my Buddy, Kenny

---For the good fortune we did not spend Christmas in the jungle
For the good fortune you were my buddy and saved my life
For the good fortune that you deserve

Before they dropped us off at the L-Z
For the walk back to civilization
We lived through six nights of floods and darkness

Do you remember, ‘ol buddy?
A test of jungle confidence
If we passed we would be conferred a badge
To be placed on the left breast
So we are reminded when we sing or pledge
To remind us when we bleed

My jaw still hurts
From that sixth night.
I was bleeding

The canopy was immense, a camouflage
That hid the moon and fear and delirium that had built
You sat me down low on the steps of my shelter
So you could hold my hand to your eye
With one arm up you kept the blood
From washing me into my own darkness

I’m glad I bled
That you held on
Tight and unfazed

I know you couldn’t see
Because I couldn’t either, but you tried
All the way out there in the depths of Borneo
Our very own Heart of Darkness
That scar on my fingertip reminds me
Of my own folly and your saving strikes

Not a small man
They mistake you
And your big heart.

Happy Birthday To Me

2007-03-15T20:31:00.000-04:00

So. This is the rundown.
18th Birthday: Spent at Breanne's place. Admitted two nights later to TTSH for Dengue Fever. (During SARS, mind you.)
19th Birthday: Spent with my section outfield somewhere.
20th Birthday: Spent in Maju Camp, SP Coy, Provost Office.
21st Birthday: Spent in TGI Friday's, State College, Pennsylvania. Not very sober.
22nd Birthday: Spent in Fairfax, Virginia. At my Aunt's place. Alone. Downloading house and trance. And gone for a 5KM run.

Oh, how birthdays excite me.

Shoutouts II

2007-03-06T17:48:00.000-05:00

For the people who care, you have no idea how much you mean to me.

I'd just like to say thanks.

You know who you are.

The paradox of pleasure

2007-03-06T10:45:00.000-05:00

So why does everything (okay, most things) that is bad for you feel so god damn good? I've been thinking about smoking a lot these days. And it's great to be rid of cigarettes. You run faster, run longer, work out harder, etc. You don't REALLY gain weight if you make a conscious effort to control your eating habits.

But I just miss the action of smoking. Having a little something to inhale after a meal, or when I'm bored. Due to the lack of vices, I think I might just pick up cancer sticks again. Although it might be bad.

"Anything/Everything but Country."

2007-02-09T20:47:00.000-05:00

One of the first questions people ask during an initial meeting is "So what kinda music are you into?", and one of the most common responses is "anything/everything but country." But is that really the case? If you do listen to anything or everything but country, then you listen to music from rock, electronica, classical, jazz, religious, ethnic, foreign (or anything not in your native language), etc. the list of genres go on. Do you?

Why don't people say "I listen to nothing but xxxxxxxxxxx" (where xxxxx is whatever that person's preference is). Projecting an air of open mindedness perhaps? I mean, saying "anything/everything" makes room for conversation, but I think it is an outright lie. Why can't you just be honest about what you REALLY listen to? One good example would be my mate Stephen Davis. He listens to anything on that's playing on the radio, not afraid to sing along. He even sings chinese songs. (DOES STEPHEN DAVIS SOUND LIKE A CHINESE NAME TO YOU?!) But then he doesn't deny that he listens to pop/mainsteam music. Stephen rocks. (And is also an up and coming Cleo Most Eligible Bachelor)

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not hating on people who listen to mainstream music. I can honestly say that I hate mainstream/radio music, and I have nothing against the people who listen to it (but they have to admit it.) I'm just trying to say that by lying and saying that you're open minded, without even giving "anything/everything" a shot, is an outright lie. It's BULLSHIT.

Form your opinion about anything/everything AFTER you've heard it. Maybe being in Central Pennsylvania, where NOTHING exists except for Rap/R&B/Country/whateverthefuckisonMTV/College Music (bands like OAR, Angels & Airwaves, Fallout Boy, My Chemical Romance and all those other bands who try so hard to be different but end up being the same) exists, and no one knows ANYTHING about jazz, funk, ambient, trance, indie, classic rock etc, is causing me to think this way.

So, what do YOU listen to?

Appreciation of Aesthetics

2007-02-01T11:17:00.000-05:00

Although I'm currently feeling 'fucktastic', I've decided to continue seeing a counselor.

Something I figured out yesterday, was that I am very drawn to aesthetics, either tangible or intangible. I think originality counts a lot towards my valuation of an object. I respect the effort, regardless of the so-called (and relative) success of the piece.

Also, perspectives matter. The human mind is intrinsically myopic. Sometime or another we always fail to put ourselves in another's shoes. If you can get glasses and contacts to fix your eyes, why shouldn't you try to fix your perspective too?

Sidenote:
Can you be TOO anti-mainstream for your own good? At which point will it become detrimental instead of "unique" and "interesting"?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The other day Marc asked if I still considered myself a youth.
I said no.
I think my days of being a youth ended when I graduated from HS.
That was almost 4 years ago.
Why should I want to go back?
I had the best time of my life.
And now I gotta move on to other things.

My bad

2007-01-24T21:20:00.000-05:00

Well ok, everyone's asking me if I've graduated or what the hell is going on. I have NOT graduated. I'm just saying my High School Class of 2003 is graduating this year, and it's just something for though.

I'll be graduating in another two years (hopefully), if not, then another 2.5 years. Yup.

Here's some food for thought:

"Being ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant."

Graduation

2007-01-13T01:57:00.000-05:00

So the Class of 2003 has either graduated, or is graduating. My school is so big that some people didn't even bother to go for commencement.

I'm thinking about not going. Because I hate my school that much. It'll be the happiest day of my life though - not because I got that damn piece of paper. But because I can finally be rid of the place that almost destroyed my life.

A Spoiled Brat

2007-01-11T22:43:00.000-05:00

I decided that I didn't want leftover zucchini at dinner tonight. Cos I'm not a fan of vegetables. And my aunt called me a spoiled brat cos I don't eat overnights/leftovers.

Right.

Staying in the USA

2007-01-09T21:40:00.000-05:00

So right now it's getting harder to get a green card/work visa to stay here after I graduate. According to my aunt, my options are:

1. Get a company to sponsor my H1 visa. Then get green card.
2. Marry a US Citizen.

Well. You all know what I'd choose.

Haha.

Fuck you 2006, Hello 2007

2007-01-01T22:08:00.000-05:00

First off, a 24hr belated Happy B'day to my bro who just turned 18. My only bro, and the most awesome one ever.

Secondly, kudos to my parents for bringing my bro and sis this far in our lives. Kenny thinks my parents rock cos when I didn't drive, they'd drop me off at Zouk/Mohd Sultan/Fullterton (ooooh the days of Embargo). And last night they dropped my bro off at MoS for New Year's Eve celebrations aka. The World Celebrating His Birthday.

Thirdly, big thanks to all my friends that I've kept this year - new ones and old ones I got closer to. You people fucking rock.

Lastly, good riddance to 2006. Filled with fucking good times, fucking bad times, and fucking non-coherent times. I know everyone's had their 21st birthday, so we're all officially old now. For those of you who haven't, good luck, cos the wrinkles will be kicking in soon.

Any resolutions? Not really. Ok fine just two No more addictions and be happier. Be one with the universe.

Now let's get this shit rolling...

Everyone, everywhere

2006-12-31T12:02:00.000-05:00

I was wondering last night, how shitty it is that for some of us, Uni/college life blows mega cock. The best friends we made were in high school, and these are the people we'll be inviting to our weddings and 50th birthdays. Is the "IS culture" just too weird for others to understand? Have we developed our own unique community which is able to relate to others, but not vice versa?

One a day keeps the Karma away

2006-12-14T20:53:00.000-05:00

This summer, I decided to practice a facet of Hinduism. That is, to be selfless. Selflessness keeps your Karma at status quo. Every action produces Karma, but selfless ones do not. So I made up my mind, to do one good thing for someone every day, be it to make them smile, to pull the door open for someone, or just to say hi to a stranger.

This morning I pulled the door open for 5 ladies, and the first one was rather surprised I did. Then the rest were all like "Thank you, you're such a gentleman." As they left, I told them to have a good one, and two of them turned around and said "YOU have a good one" with a smile.

So. That was my good deed for the day.

To keep the Karma away.

Oldies but Goodies

2006-12-12T00:26:00.000-05:00

Dug up some Gouryella videos from YouTube. Interesting text on interesting graphic.

Ligaya:

Tenshi:

ps. I just found out from one of my bestest friends Jordyn that 'Ligaya' means 'happiness' in Tagalog. So you learn something new every day...

The Little Things

2006-12-05T13:34:00.000-05:00

Failure to Notice, by Greg Yip. Georgetown, Washington D.C:
Let's get out of here, said I
The sooner the better. Graduation.
Echoes of teen years,
repeating itself twofold.
Look upon it as time wasted?
Nay, as time passed.
Look back as a life desired?
Nay, as life lived. Forgotten.

The little things surround me,
yet I fail to see.
I wish I saw, and loved,
but blind the heart is.
By distilleries and leaves,
resentment and longing.
So big those things become,
that they are little no more.

So turn and look ahead,
to what lies a long road.
That leads to places,
even you would not know.
A step at a time they say,
for that is how the journey begins.
Now go, and never stop.
The little things lie in wait.

"We gotta find some way to enjoy it till we graduate." - Michelle

I never really felt quite the same...

2006-12-04T18:20:00.000-05:00

Counterclockwise, by Greg Yip. Washington D.C, in front of the Smithsonian Castle:
As we hurtle through space at 16000miles an hour (or some ridiculouslyfastspeed), the days get crossed off our calendars - and as the saying goes, "same shit different day." Time is but a figment of our imagination. Numbers used as a referece for progress. Is there really forward motion and direction? Life is but a big taxonomic cauldron of shit.

I told myself never to regret anything. What's done is done. What's not done is not done. That's the way it is. Let go. For holding on causes sadness, anger, and ill emotion. So why am I such a mess right now? Because it is not what has passed that stirs me, but what is to come.

Perhaps I should take it a day at a time. Nothing more, nothing less. Cross the bridge when I get there, then burn it as I get to the other side. A day at a time. A unique individual, stuck in a unique place she said. 'Unique' in a sea of 'same' isn't so much a good thing when it takes you to the edge. The edge of questioning ontology. To be, or not to be, is no longer the question, but the choice.

It's not where you go, it's what you do when you get there. And what happens when you get to a place void of activity, void of intellect, and void of life? What DO you do? Will you choose to exist, or will you choose to meld into the abyss? Life's just full of choices now isn't it? Fuck.

I never really felt quite the same, since everyone left. I'm almost leaving myself. But trying hard to stay. It ain't easy when no one's really around. Fuck them.

There's no one to blame.

Hands of Time by Groove Armada:

Keep looking through the window pane
Just trying to see through the pouring rain
It's hearing your name, hearing your name
I never really felt quite the same,
Since I've lost what I had to gain
No one to blame, no one to blame
Seems to me, can't turn back the hands of time
Oh it seems to me, can't back the hands of time

Seems to me, can't turn back the hands of time
Oh it seems to me, can't turn back the hands of time
Seems to me, history was left behind

You don't listen to trance. You feel it.

2006-12-02T15:26:00.000-05:00

The Mobius Strip

2006-12-01T09:17:00.000-05:00

I guess some of you have seen this before. Anyways, I was at the Diner the other night and noticed that our server had two tattoos behind his ears. They happened to be snakes eating themselves, one in white and one in black. Pretty darn cool I must say. I thought they were the 'infinity' symbols. Then we ended up talking about the mobius strip.

My friend opened my drawer the other day and found this etched into the bottom, then commented on my weird interest in the infinite:

"When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see things as they are. Infinite" - William Blake

If the world were blind:

2006-11-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

Would it be a sin to see?

Would there be anything to even see?

Would there be "time"?

Would 'red' be 'hot', and 'blue' be 'cold'?

Would you want to see?

The reality of the Infinite Multiverse

2006-11-27T00:59:00.000-05:00

If only the infinite multiverse were certain. If only it were a dream. When you go to bed, and dream, you're actually awake in a parallel universe. If only every night you dreamt and woke up in a different place. If only this were merely the dream of another "me" in another realm.

If only we'd all stay awake. And never have to dream a bad dream. Ever again.

If only.

(Yea yea, if if if. "If my mother had balls I wouldn't be here." - Then LTA Adrian.) Fuck that.

I don't want to....

2006-11-22T02:00:00.001-05:00

I don't want end up telling my children that I hated college life.

Is Counterculture a culture of its own?

2006-11-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

So I've been thinking that perhaps the reason I like trance, photography, art, films, and pondering about aesthetics and mysteries of the universe is because I am anti-mainstream. I was listening to the radio today, and there was Nickeback, Jay-Z and all those mainstream artistes on. And for some reason, they just don't interest me. It's not BAD music, but ... it's not just... appealing. I've been listening to indie music since I knew how to look for them on the internet. Then from there, a little more mainstream in terms of Oasis, Radiohead, etc. After that came the discovery of trance/ambient/electronic, and I've never looked back. Right now in college all people listen to is hip hop/R&B, and "college music" like The Fray, Angels and Airwaves, Snow Patrol, Gym Class Heroes, etc. I've gotten into a jazz phase, as well as a classic rock phase. Is that trying to be anti-mainstream?

So my friend May (who's here with me for Thanksgiving break) loves her school to bits. And she says she gets sad when she hears people hating their school. Like me for instance. Cos it's paying so much money to go to a place you hate. And also, it's supposed to be the best time of your life. I mean, I can't wait to get out to go to work, because working life is so fun. College life blows. Schedules, homework, drunk kids, immature fuckers. I mean. Seriously. Should I transfer?

I remember the days when I used to get drunk every weekend in Manila. I think I stopped getting drunk after that. I don't know why. I didn't see a point. I didn't see a need. I didn't see a want to wake up with a hangover on Saturday and Sunday mornings. But I did it. Was it "going w/the flow"? I remember having so much fun. Should I go back to doing it? Just so I can forget about how fucking shitty my school is? It's so tiring to fight it. But that's just me. So should I keep fighting it?

Maybe one day it'll all stop. And I'll wake up from this shitty dream.

This one's for Eloera

2006-11-11T20:39:00.000-05:00

So the moment I get in the car and drive 5m out of the parking lot, it starts raining. But I'm thinkin.... "ah... fuck it it won't get heavier." I couldn't have been more wrong. By this time I'm already half way to the golf course, and it's too much of a hassle to turn back.

I get to the place, pay for my green fee, and start hacking away. On the 14th hole, I see this guy playing alone. And he goes "Hey what's up? You alone?" and I say yea, cos it's fun to just be out here when it's all nice and quiet. He tells me his name is Neil, and is doing his PhD in Education. Me, undergrad, from Sillypore. Which makes him startle, cos "now that's a looooong way from here now innit? Way farther than North Dakota." He's "Native American, indigenous peoples, yannow?"

So he goes on to tell me his story about how he moves around a lot, and actually lived in Minnesota his whole life, instead of ND. Then randomly switches to talk about people here. Cos he notices how my swing sucks. And was talkin about how he could've won the last tournament if he didn't have back pain. He's saying "they didn't want me to win. This place is filled with fuckin' hicks and racist people." No doubt about it. And also how members of the golf course here don't invite him to play (his golf buddies moved away to other states). I told him I go pretty often, and if we meeet we could definitely play. He says sure. Then tells me something which I thought I was meant to hear. Cos I didn't give two shits about the rain and drove out to the course:

"But ya know what man, you just gotta keep doin what you do. Never quit. That's the only way you're gonna get anywhere in life. Don't quit, my boy."

How's that for meeting random people. And meeting people for a reason?

So I'm lookin out the window...

2006-11-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

And I come to another realization of why I resent Penn State. I see the kids and their families decked out in their football jerseys, walking to the stadium, ready to watch the team trample on Temple. (wow, a lot of T's there.) Then on AIM, everyone's away message says "Let's Go State!". Why State, and not Penn State? Well, no shit, what other state can there be if all you know IS Pennsylvania?

When these kids were growing up, and thinking of college, probably the only place they could think of, and wanted to go, was Penn State. And when they're finally here, it's like having a dream come true, therefore they embrace every single moment of it as if it were their dream. They let their lives be consumed by "college". (It isn't just a place anymore, it's a culture.)

So how does this relate to where I stand? Well, Penn State for me was more like an "I guess I'll just go here..." instead of "fuck fuck fuckity fuck if I don't get in I'll be so disappointed" kinda place for me. I applied to more schools in Boston and MA than lower south. UVA and U Penn ..... too smart for me, honestly. Maybe that's the cause of it all? Not wanting to be here in the first place.

Chillax

2006-11-09T18:54:00.000-05:00

The day with its cares and perplexities is ended and the night is now upon us. The night should be a time of peace and tranquility, a time to relax and be calm. We have need of a soothing story to banish the disturbing thoughts of the day, to set at rest our troubled minds, and put at ease our ruffled spirits. - Samuel M. Johnson

Currently listening to: Rickie Lee Jones.

The ones who are worth it.

2006-11-04T00:28:00.000-05:00

So lately, I haven't been posting cos I've started to hate college, and having a shitty time dealing with it.

I just wanna thank the people who've been around to help me deal, and those whom I know would be around if they could. These people care because, they just do. Not because you have anything to offer them, but because they have something to offer you.

Only in times of dire need do you figure out who your true friends are.

American vs. British Alternative/Rock

2006-10-24T18:43:00.000-04:00

So... my roommate's mad into Angels and Airwaves. And so I listen to it like 5 times a day too. (He doesn't use headphones.) It made me realized that I personally like Brit rock a lot better. The difference is that American bands/singers like to raise their voices by a pitch or so (think Blink 182), while Brit singers drag their voices (think Stereophonics, Oasis, Coldplay).

Supplemental excerpt. Rearranged.

2006-10-09T16:50:00.000-04:00

You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khaki's

I say let me never be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever arts
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may

You have to realize that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world

This is your life, this is your life, this is your life, this is your life
And it and it's ending one-minute at a time
The things you own end up owning you
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything

-Tyler Durden

"This is your life" by Dust Brothers. Rearranged to form a somewhat coherent flow.

Simplicity in Sophistication

2006-10-06T17:02:00.000-04:00

So lately I've been thinking that college kids aren't sophisticated enough. Should university not be a time where people "grow up" and become "adults"? Everyone is still stuck in a high school mentality, making campus nothing more than a giant high school. Materialism exists at its peak, so does social acceptance. These two needs then come together to form a product of congruency. All this, in the country that is based on individualism.

On the other hand, I find that people who have come to understand this - and choose not to participate - seek only the simple things in life. Nature, friendship, happiness, understanding of the world/mind/cultures. They do not seek to be popular, nor to get inebriated on a regular basis. Is it necessary to be sophisticated to appreciate simple things? (This is treading on the need for duality. I'm sure "simple" and "sophisticated" are both relative terms, and I really do not want to start talking about duality and the necessity for poles to exist in order for them to be "poles".)

For the farmers, peasants, less fortunate/educated people in the rest of the world, they do enjoy the simple things. Friendship, toys, family, food, having a good time in general and not wasting their days away. I doubt they are "sophisticated" in a sense that they enjoy wine, discuss why a BMW is better than an Audi, where's the best wood-fired oven pizzeria in town (or even the world.) Why is that? Perhaps ignorance is bliss, but for some part, I also believe it is because they do not choose to participate in the hustle and bustle of the world that's spinning out of control.

Cynicism: A defense mechanism?

2006-09-20T18:33:00.000-04:00

So I have this person in one of my classes who engages in all the discussions that come up. The comments/opinions are intelligent, and generate more discussion. But what comes to mind is how one can have so much to say about everything, and takes such a cynical and sarcastic view of the world. The phrases never fail to have a tinge of disdain, and the fluctuations in enunciation paint a perfect picture of mockery at its finest.

I must say, that this person would not be considered "generally attractive", nor "slim". So is this just a defense mechanism? To use intelligence to make up for whatever he/she feels that he/she is lacking in terms of aesthetics? And also to twist those words around and project unsatisfaction on others, in a pre-emptive way, and not get hurt/attacked?

I'm not stating that all cynics have low self esteem. There certainly are those who do it for comedy/humor, and certainly feel like they're in control of things. But those who aren't doing it for fun? Those who have become habituated to answer with a play on words, with a sharp tongue?

ABC family

2006-09-11T20:34:00.000-04:00

That is my favorite channel. I watched the Gilmore Girls again today after a long summer without those fine young ladies and I totally forgot how much I love Lorelai and want to marry her.

ABC rocks too.
Sep 14: Grey's Anatomy
Sep 17: Desperate Housewives
Sep 19: Boston Legal
Sep 27: LOST

WOOOOO!!!! ALL NEW SEASONS OF AWESOME TV!!!!

More Pix from Up North

2006-09-06T11:43:00.000-04:00

An old building down by the water:

The Canadian side of Niagara:

The US side of Niagara:

Crazy bird display down at the Royal Ontario Museum:

Cool ass tiger display:

Ok so anyways just when I got back, Anna asked me to go to Canada.... cos it was her sister's bf's 21st birthday. (Jakub in the last post.) And her sis decided to surpirse him by taking him to the airport and not telling him where they were going. We end up going to Toronto. The other friends supposed to go all bail, so I was like some kinda backup. haha.. actually not really. Just someone they haven't seen for a while and would be good to be on the trip. So yea, we drive up thru NY state, etc etc. End up at Buffalo, NY, in just under 4 hrs. And all this was driving at a legal speed too. Then we cross the border (which is surpringly relaxed. nothing like the fucking causeway.) and fly on down to Toronto at 140km/h. Sweet shit. Canada is the weirdest country on earth. It's massive and has nobody. No cops, no people. Then we get to the pirate ship, and detour to take pix of it. blah blah... drivei nto Toronto. Have lunch, drink, then sleep from 8pm to 4am.

Where we drive to Niagara. Now this is one beautiful place. Guys, if you ever take your gf there, take here there at dawn. like 6am. that's exactly what we did. no one there, no cars nothing. All you can hear is the sheer craziness of the water, and the cool morning air. (more like COLD but anyways.) Uh.... yea. Then we took the Maid of the Mist thingy and drove into the falls. Which was insane. I don't know how David Copperfield did it. That crazy bastard.

Then.... blah blah blah. We didn't go see the CN tower cos that's just too uber touristy. After that we went to Archeo, which is this little Italian place with great food and wine in the Distillery District (Adriel, Loke, go check it out.) Then got drunk at night and came back to the states.

Drive thru National Parks if you can. It costs like 5 bucks or something but is definitly worth the money. Just think of it as toll.

Ok i can't think of anything else to type cos it's been a pretty intense week. Enjoy.

O Canada

2006-09-05T14:16:00.000-04:00

So I get back at like.. 6pm on Wed afternoon. And I get a msg on AIM from Anna. She's a girl I dated when I lived in China. Anyways, her question is "What are you doing for Labor Day?" My reply is "Nothing." Which I guess, was a good reply cos she drove 7hrs from Connecticut to PA, and then from PA I took over the wheel and drove 7hrs to Toronto for the weekend. How fucking crazy is that?

I will edit this post later to tell you what the fuck happened. But here are pix for now.

Me driving a VW Jetta/Bora for fucking 14 hrs:

Random shipwreck by the Lake. (It looks like the ocean. I thought it was too.):

Niagara Falls with Jakub and Anna:

CN Tower in the morning:

CN Tower at night + the view from my hotel room:

My New Address

2006-09-05T14:09:00.000-04:00

Aights guys,

I'm back in PA and my address is:

615 Hartranft Hall
The Pennsylvania State University
University Park, PA 16802
U.S.A

Yup. Uh.. so if you wanna send me some love do go ahead. It's mad boring here.

There is hope.

2006-08-15T20:57:00.000-04:00

So I went to this dinner last night. And there I met a young lady whom I could have a meaningful conversation with. Meaningful conversation covering a range of topics, such as social issues, educational issues, choices in life, religion, and some other little things. And all this began not even within 10 mins of introducing ourselves to each other.

In my previous post, I stated that I would remain resolute that the Singapore Girl cannot engange in a intellectually stimulating conversation, and that hopefully one would change my opinion. I hereby stand with a slightly corrected perception. But this only applies to a select few whom I have met, so let's not get overly optimistic here. The majority still fall under the umbrella of the 'Singapore Girl'.

There certainly is hope for the Singapore Girl. (With apt timing too - I don't think I was meant to go back to the United States of Cheeseburgers and Pepperoni Pizza with the notion of disappointment.)

Let's remind everybody (and myself) why I simply can-NOT date a Singaporean girl

2006-08-07T11:23:00.000-04:00

So, after bitching to a couple of people (who share the same outlook, thankfully) about this, I have finally decided to blog it down. Draw fire it may, or incite hate, but I don't give two fucks cos I'd like to exercise my right to the freedom of speech. Hopefully it'll bring some awareness to female readers.

Let's start by providing you guys with a setting: Liquid Room. Purpose of event: Networking. (remember this well, for it is key in this post.) Crowd present: Singaporean students currently studying in the US, or who are going there in Fall 2006.

[When I was 17, and went to JC parties because I wanted to meet local girls, I was gravely disappointed. Everyone hangs out in their little cliques. (Definition of clique: "a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them")]

I thought things would be different at this party due to part of the crowd having been exposed to an American culture. But fuck, was I wrong. When I introduced myself, they either had a shocked response and withdraw themselves to gain more personal space, or just nodded and killed the conversation. I mean.... (remember the point of the event)... it's nobody's fault if you have a lack of social skills, or are just shy. Being awkward at a social event where there are a lot of stranges is PERFECTLY NORMAL. BUT, by maintaining an awkward mindset, viewing others as awkward initiaties the self-alienation. So why even think/behave strangely? Why not mingle, be social, get to know more people - you never know how many more best friends you can make. 4 years later, I am beyond 'gravely disappointed'. I have become resolute that Singaporean females cannot engage in a intellectually stimulating conversation, and shall remain so, until one can prove me wrong.

I'd love to talk about the discussion I had with my parents about how Singaporean youths have a lack of interest in culture, but that'd take too long. Let's have a synopsis (with some input from fellow like-minded friends): Singaporean youths only care about a few things: gossip, people, CCAs, what school you were from, what school you go to, what CCA you are in school, and what you're studying. Oh wait, did i forget? They love to talk/gossip about people. Yup.

What happened to the arts, music, philosophy, sports, politics, economics, social problems, alternative lifestyles (gay/lesbian rights etc if you don't know what I'm talking about). It's not about being a Greenpeace warrior or a hippie, it's just about being aware of what's going on in the REST OF THE WORLD besides the immediate universe that surrounds your cliques. Singapore is a society that thrives on fads and trends. Why be sucked into them? Everyone's trying so hard to be different that they all become the same.

Please people, I impore you: WAKE THE FUCK UP. STOP BEING BORING AND CARING ABOUT JUST YOUR OWN LIVES.

*ps. this was written with encouragement from a friend that the stance I adopt is not condescending, but rather just being able to see the myopic mentality of our youth.

My previous post re: this. http://gregyip.blogspot.com/2006/01/singapore-girl.html

Thursdays in Bed and Tuesdays with Morrie

2006-08-03T11:51:00.000-04:00

"Inspirational." "Such a good book."

why not, "such a light read", "entertaining", "calm"?

If it were so inspirational, why is everyone still the same? No one ever has the strength to act, for fear of being labelled a non-conformist or just being out of step with the rest of the world.

You read but do not practice. Just like the Sunday Catholics.

Another lapse

2006-07-11T10:37:00.000-04:00

Apologies for the lapse in posting.
Been busy working/squeezingtimeinforgolf/drinking/working/sleeping/drinking/working/sleeping etc. You get the idea.

And also cos I can't give a fuck to post lately. Too tired and lazy.

Oh well.

Functions of the liver

2006-06-23T06:25:00.000-04:00

I've been drinking every day for the past 7 days. Marc say to be careful because the liver is "ultra important. It does 11 functions for the body":

1) Homeostasis
2) Expel toxins
3) Microwave the chicken
4) Walk the dog
5) Turbocharge your car
6) Helps you download music
7) Jams police radar
8) Attracts women
9) Rolls your joints
10) Produces money
11) Repeats the previous 10

Motivation

2006-06-08T21:36:00.000-04:00

Currently listening to: Junkie XL (JXL) remixes of some songs

So I was watching this movie the other night, one of those Channel 5 late night fillers. And there was a troubled teen/young adult being questioned by a psychologist. He's asked the question:

Psych: "Do you feel important?"
Kid: "Well... my parents love me. My friends too. I guess so."
Psych: "No, regardless of whether they do or not, do you feel important? Do you feel like you matter in the greater picture of things?"
Kid: "um.........."

DO YOU?

_________________________________________________________

Then last night, Marc and I went to see this:

It's about (sorry to be a spoiler but I doubt many of you are going to see it) these two suicide bombers and their last 48hrs on earth. Their mission screws up and out comes this wild chase for each other. And one of the guys meets the daughter of their national hero/martyr and they have some thing going on. But he decides to go bomb Israel anyways. Whenever she asks if they will meet again his answer is "God willing."

Putting faith aside, it's interesting to see how determined he is to carry out his mission. I suppose everyone has a purpose in life. What could it be and what will you do to make sure it's completed? Does money motivate you? Does the prospect of having children motivate you? Fast cars, big houses, living dangerously, getting hammered/high, solitude, being the best in your field, helping people etc..... what is it?

Golf 101 with The Three Wise Men

2006-06-04T20:34:00.000-04:00

Words of Wisdom @ Green Fairways

2006-05-28T11:09:00.001-04:00

So. Last week. Gayboy Ben, Steph and myself decided to hit up the range. Um. And that was the start of our addiction. Well.... not exactly. We actually went to this Transview Golf place at Dover to play. And met this random guy called ... (shitiforgethisname). Anyways it was funny. Cos i'd hit a bad shot and just yell out "MOTHERF*CKER!!!!"..... =)

Now back to the range thing. We go to Bishan range on Friday. Mats lousy = bad shots. That was for Ben. Steph's hitting sick shots. I'm uh.... crushing the ball to the end of the range. Then I introduce range games.

Pick a target.
Each take a shot.
Closest person gets 1 point.
Lowest points buys the teh-ping at the end.

And earlier tonight, after work (ON A F*CKING SUNDAY), we end up going to Green Fairways. Not a bad place. Although it's mad far from Eng Neo Ave, where it's "supposed" to be situated. It's like driving on a long dark windy road to hell. Or maybe the Bt.Timah range, if any of you have been there. So anyways, we go there. And we're sniping balls all the flags, etc etc. 90 balls later, Steph says he needs more. A D D I C T .

We meet this guy hitting next to us, by the name of 'J'. And he's giving us tips, which helps Ben snipe the ball through uh.... the flags. Some words of wisdom from that 47 year old man:

G O L F. Game Of Less Force.

"Practise a bad habit and you'll perfect a mistake."

Btw, the tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon is now termed "A Pisang Bomb Moment." Because the other day, we were having goreng pisang, and I asked Steph wtf the ball w/bananas inside was called. And we thought long and hard for about TWO WHOLE DAYS before it finally came. I'm still doubtful that it's called Pisang Bomb. I need to call MWO Amar Singh to verify. But if anyone knows, please enlighten me.

Lastly, I'd like to say that I'm thankful for friends like Gayboy and Steph. I think it's good that the Spartan Regime was a long and tough one. Otherwise nobody would've bonded. And it's honestly, seriously, fucking awesome that we're hanging out after ORD and still having so much fun. Although it's not exactly cheap or uncostly, but hey, it's fun. Good way to de-stress and enjoy the summer.

YEA MUTHAF*CKAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I iz back you muthaf*ckazzzz!!!!

2006-05-13T03:31:00.000-04:00

So... I've been back for a bit. Like 3 days. Got back on Wed morning at 0635hrs +8GMT. Flying back is some wacky shizz man. JFK-FRA = Night departure, midday arrival. So it's daylight. FRA-SIN = Midday departure, morning arrival. But when you're flying over the Middle East/India, it's dawn. And when you hit SIN, it's dawn, AGAIN. 24hrs of fucking sunlight sucks!

I had a mad wacky trip through central PA. People with bonnets/dresses, red flannel/overalls EXIST! It's not just in the movies!!! WTF. We also passed Woodward. Which is this skate camp thingy that I saw in skate magazines earlier in my rebellious youth. It's in bumf*ck nowhere. No thanks.

Dan and I had to take a picture at least once in the States. Why not there and then? @ Palladium.

View from Rox's place.

"Hi my name is Ruoxi and I am an alcoholic."

"Hi my name is Greg and I like to drink."

Hmm.. Yesterday was a long day. Woke up in the morning, went to the gym, then to my Pri 5/6 teacher's place with some old classmates. It was good to just laugh about all those stupid fucking things we did when we were 11. (That was 10 years ago, can you imagine?!!??! wtf?!!?!? what the hell happened to all those years between then and now?!?!) Anyways it was nice to see people again.

Then.... at 9pm I pass out in my bed. HEY IT'S JETLAG OK? Gayness calls, so does Jamie. Then Jamie's smart enough to make my sis wake me up. Then the guys get all pissed off and I end up going to DBL O to get crunky with them. In attendance: Steph, Merv, Russel, Zhong Lin, Effin, Terence, Kenny, Gayboy Ben and myself. I love you bastards.

POS Steph.

The Last Day of Freshman Year

2006-04-28T20:22:00.000-04:00

Currently listening to: Deadringer

Okay, well it's not really the LAST day. I still have an exam on Wednesday. But still. Last day of classes. I woke up at 12, without a hangover surprisingly - after an awesome night last night. Let's not elaborate.

Anyways... it's weird that school's over. And I'll be home in a while. Helped V pack all his shit up and move it into his car with his parents. I gave him my bottle opener; which is basically a Heineken bottle that I drained. I never wanted to buy a bottle opener cos it's... a little clunky I guess. I'd probably lose it. And hey, it's a good trick to show people that you can open a beer bottle with another. Signs of a true alcoholic. So anyways, I wrote a message on the bottle:

To: V for Vikash (the V drawn with the circle around it, a la Vendetta)

The closest family I got 30,000 miles from home.
-PSU 006
-BA 241
-ENG 015A

Love ya Bro.

It's nice to find someone you can talk to, and also have comfortable silence with. According to him, I'm just like his brother who goes to BC. His name's Akash, and he's a junior. Weirdly enough, I should be a junior, so we're practically the same age. He told me it was good that we met, because I'd help to keep him in line and out of trouble. It makes me think about Gab. Somehow I feel that I spent a lot of time hanging out with my friends, with Bre, studying, and cycling/exercising that I never really talked to him a lot. It's never too late to start being his friend I suppose. I just wanna be there when he graduates, when he goes to NS, and when he's done with NS and going to college. Not to be a bitch and whip him into shape, but just to make sure he becomes the best person he can and the person he wants to be.

So the semester flew by. Like THAT. It was just yesterday that I moved into my dorm room, thinking "what the flying F. this is so small!"... then getting used to it. I thought I had nothing to put into all the shelves and spaces. But I was wrong. Now My place is just packed with s***. I have no idea how I'm gonna bring all that home. Haha.

Merry X'Mas!!.... Again.

2006-04-16T18:53:00.000-04:00

It's actually Easter Sunday. But hey, what the hell. Why not swing it around a little and make things interesting by confusing people? Vivian (Pimpette in my FRIENDS section) says "why not throw in Hannukah while you're at it!"... HAPPY HANNUKAH AND YOM-KIPPUR!!!

Anyways since everyone is home this weekend. I went out w/Jamie to the movies, w/her roommates Lauren and Jess. Twas' a good night, as we had a "double feature". $5.25 for Take the Lead, and Scary Movie 4. If you haven't seen either, it's okay. Just download the soundtrack to Take the Lead. It's bangin. Scary Movie 4 is funny. You gotta see it stoned.

And because it is such a fun-filled-campus-empty weekend, I haven't had any alcohol. Okay one beer. And I finally got time to go out to take photos!

Palmer Museum of Art Column:

Fountain outside one of my classes:

The Palmer Museum of Art:

A Bunch of Random Shiet:

And something to end it off:

We were merely freshmen....

2006-04-09T14:38:00.000-04:00

Currently listening to: Breathe Me (Mylo remix) by Sia
Currently stuck in my head: The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe

As freshman year draws to a close, this stupid song starts playing in my head. Reminds of 1999. ISM. Freshman year. Drunk as fuck on the weekends, Math class with Manika and Liana, all those times in the caf, playing guitar w/the ladies around me. The plaid shirts and skate shoes. The enormous crush I had on Jean. IASAS track at SAS. "What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise... For the life of me, I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen....."

Tis' a lonely Sunday at Penn State. Slaving away at Pattee (the libes) for my religious studies test tomorrow. I've only had the worst week of my life since coming here, but hey, it can only get better right? I mean, bombing a test after studying a full week for it, then bombing a stat quiz the day after. At least I went out on Fri night w/the ladies. That was the only pleasant thing. Slaved thru Saturday in the snow at 8am. (FOR FUCK'S SAKES! IT'S THE 8th OF APRIL!! SNOW?!!? AM I IN PENN STATE OR IN ALASKA MAN??) Then had this Student Mentor workshop from 12-4. Twas' a long day. Then sleep......

And now it's Sunday. Back to slaving.

Oh, college rocks my fuckin socks off. Seriously.

ps. I received an email from LTC Ng Hee Teck... (it was "from: Eric Ng Hee Teck").. but I don't think anyone calls him Eric. Maybe his wife. It was regarding the First-Sunday-Of-The-Month-Run (they should acronymize it to FSOTM Run, i mean hey, it's SAF right?) and how two or more cohorts were getting together to run. It strikes me how dedicated he is, and how firm his belief in integrity was/still is. I respect that a lot, and I wanna just say I'm really appreciative of how Foxtrot tried to murder us when we were cadets, so that we'd be able to survive the rest of our lives.

This morning I thought about what LTA (now LTA NS) Syed said before we became 'Sirs' ourselves. "If I can think after 4 days of no sleep, no shower, no food, and I have men's lives depend on the decisions I make, then University will be a joke. Air conditioning, coffee anytime I want, a nice bed - comfort. I can do anything I want." Resiliency was a key quality my team decided a Mentor had to have. I guess it's just a good character trait to have in general. Never give up. Don't be a quitter. You don't fail, you learn.

I am forever in gratitude to these two men. Amen.

Transpose, or stop your lies

2006-03-28T21:43:00.000-05:00

Currently listening to: Back to School - Deftones
Previously listening to: Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) - Deftones
And before that: Sweetest Dreams - Corderoy (Ferry Corsten Mix)

So I was just out with my friend talking, and something reminded me of the Officer's Creed. So he asked what it was and I recited it. I'm surprised I can still remember it. I guess all those mornings and evenings and 13 months in that place really drilled it into me huh. But what's weird is that lately the issue of 'integrity' has come up a lot.

What is integrity? Apparently it means "moral uprightness". I could go with that. But lately it's just seems that cheating is on a rise in my immediate surrounding. I know it happens everywhere, all the time, etc. but that's not a reason to participate in it. That's the lamest excuse anyone could ever come up with for anything. I don't know, but I don't care of people cheat off me during a test, but I'd never get answers from someone else. There's just no point in doing so. I'd just be lying to myself. Those teachers who told us that when we were kids weren't lying.

Hmm.

Julie's 21st

2006-03-25T20:53:00.000-05:00

So... another night out at the bars. um... yea. We went to this place called the Phyrst. It's pretty neat. Nice little Irish place. But again, I was the only... I say again, the ONLY chinese kid in the whole place. Just like Shandygaff. 1 Asian, 2 Black peoeple, and ... there's your minority for ya! Haha.. Marc asked me how I felt about that. I guess "underrepresented" would be a good answer, but I thought it was rather unique. Haha.. I mean, I don't know where all the asian kids go, but hey it's pretty fun being the only asian kid. At least you're different. So.. .yea.

Anyway, who's Julie? She's a friend of Leigh Anne's. And she goes to school at the best school on earth. PENN STATE! Very nice n sweet girl.

Julie n Me:

And this is Kelli:

Dancing it up with Danielle:

So yea.. the night was good. Only that I wanted to kill this fucking sleazebag who was trying to grind up against the girls. He kept fuckin moving closer n closer, and the girls were like "GREG! STOP HIM!" and so I tried. When he finally figured out what I was doing, he started elbowing me in the side/ribs. Thank god we left, cos it was 5 mins to the closing of the bar, otherwise I would've ACCT-ed his ass to bits. Fuckin whorebag.

By the way. I also figured out that I can't sleep well after drinking. So I went to sleep at 4, and woke up at 9, and called up the driving range to see if they were open. THEY WERE! So I went. Playing golf in 5C weather is.... interesting. You don't break a sweat. And it's nice when the sun's out. But if you're in the shade and the wind blows, it's cold. Wtf.

The Grim Reaper

2006-03-22T11:32:00.000-05:00

So, a close friend's mom passed away last Friday. On St.Patrick's Day. I can't say I can empathize, but I can only offer my condolences and support. Too many deaths the past couple of months. For some reason, the older I get the more funerals and wakes I attend. It really scares me to think that before you know it, our parents are gonna be gone too. And then it'll be us. I guess that's just life. I've sorta come to terms with death as it is. I mean, I don't cry or anything. Yes, it's saddening, but crying or wailing or whatever won't bring anyone back. Just gotta move on.

This fuckin sucks.

The realization of fatness

2006-03-20T00:15:00.000-05:00

So right now I'm talking to Rox, saying I'm hungry. She suggests fruit. But I don't have any. Let's see what I have:

2 cartons of instant Ramen
4 boxes of Pop Tarts
2 slabs of Twix
2 slabs of Reese's peanutbutter cups
1 box of 48 slim jims
1 box of oatmeal
3 packets of instant rice
7 bottles of beer
1 bottle of vodka
1 gallon of OJ
1 litre of lime-ade
8 bottles of gatorade

SO HELP ME GOD.

Memoirs of a sad life

2006-03-19T02:47:00.000-05:00

Man. Memoirs of a Geisha (the film version) SUCKS. 135 mins of ass-numbing closeup shots. Closeup shots of people's faces, closeups of the town, etc etc. And how did she end up on that giant hill at the end anyway?? How could you climb up that crazy rock in a freakin kimono???

A few hundred pages compressed into 2hrs, skipping so many details. SUCKS.

But I still wanna go to Kyoto.

Happy St.Patrick's Day!! (review)

2006-03-18T12:01:00.000-05:00

So, wtf is St.Patrick's day? I don't know. But the general holiday description is just to drink. Drink Green Beer, eat Green potatoes, Green this green that everything green. Awesome shiet. There's this bar called The Phyrst that opened at 5:30am and the first 1000 people got free hats and .... something. I think beads or whatever - the Mardi Gras type. And then.. yea. It was just crazy.

Woke up, had a shot for breakfast.. cos as I was brushing my teeth, this kid down the hall asks me if I want one, and I'm like .. "no." But he goes "you know you do." And then my mind said yes. F*CK!..... And thus began the drinking day at 10am. Drink drink drink.... till class ended at almost 5. Then came back to my room to pass out. Fell asleep from 6-8. Then got up and wanted to see Memoirs of a Geisha.

Remember the daughter of the LTC in the USMC? Well yea, it was her birthday. So... we went out! WOO HOO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEIGH ANNE!

Dancing..... ish.

Disco balls w/Leigh Anne's best friend!

Um... It was supposed to include the disco balls too I think.

MG Gunner..... FIRE! / Tweeeeeeeeeeeenty-one! One, Two! Twenty-one! One, Two!

2006-03-16T21:09:00.001-05:00

So. I'm finally legal. AGAIN. Let's see.....

China: Age 0 (If you can piss you can drink)
Manila: Age 0 (If you can walk you can drink)
Singapore: Age 18 (um... okay. normal.)
USA: Age 21 (WAY TOO OLD to drink.)
Botswana: Age 28 (to smoke crack, but I'm not there yet)

It was a fine day. Dinner w/friends and drinks after that. Totally abused the privilege of being legal by going to the Wine and Spirits and buying almost 10L of alcohol for 4 poeple? I couldn't even carry it all. Haha. Sweet shiet. Went to Wal*Mart too. And spent like.. uh... 60 bucks?? I ended up buying a Lucky Charms hat for St.Patty's day (which is tomorrow.. and the holiday description is: GET WASTED) that had the little Lucky Charms dude on the front, and the word LUCKY on the top. WOO HOO.

Hmm... yea. I think being 21 rocks.

Boston's North End

2006-03-15T00:30:00.000-05:00

New England Aquarium.

Legal Sea Foods. WTF when is it ILLEGAL?? "If it's not Legal, it's not fresh!" ... OWKAY. This was right after watching DEEP SEA 3D at the IMAX thingy next to the New England Aquarium

Random little house next to the Wharf. wtf right? Is it a kennel?

RANDOM (again) Hyatt hotel on the water. I think it's like next to the airport or something.

BOSTON

Cambridge, MA. HARVARD.

2006-03-14T23:37:00.000-05:00

Something on the list of everyone who goes to Boston is..... HARVARD. (Where Rory Gilmore wanted to go, but chose Yale instead. Oh, the disappontment when I got there.)

John Harvard. The dude who... invented it I guess. Notice the stain marks below his name. Jordz said it was tradition for people to piss on the statue. I wanted to piss on it... just to say I pissed on Harvard. But.. it was broad daylight. No no.

Some random pics I took while walking around Cambridge.

An apartment called The University. How cool. There was one downtown called the Little Building. No pix tho.

Fucking good Crepes at this place. It's um... I don't know. Near the Harvard dorms.

Pop art? Nostalgia?

So we're walking down back to Kenmore.. and I see this store called MOJO Records. Closing down sale. Go in, and there are like 2 Dollar records. Bought this Dire Straits one for my dad. NEW from 1978. Still in its plastic. Aweomse shit. But yea... there was this random basement w/all this artwork. And we saw this moose. So I decided to take a pic w/it. =)

We walked from Cambridge back to Kenmore. I don't know how far that is, but it was long and cold and dark. And the pic was supposed to have a Citgo thingy in the back. Since it didn't come out, I had to superimpose it.

Boston Common

2006-03-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

So Jordz made a list of 50 things to do, okay.... well.. more like 20 or something. And one of the things was the Boston Common. It's a park in the middle of the city, and .. has some interesting artwork. As shown below:

And this is a pic of Jordz... and her friend Mike from ISM. Ok he's my friend now. So that's cool.

Random ice skating rink in the middle of the Common called the Frog Pond. Full of pesky little children.

Cheers! at Beacon Hill. Babs you need to watch more TV. How can you not know CHEERS!?

Being Touristy

The Capitol looking building.... Apparently the dome is lined with real gold. Anyone wanna go scrape that shit off with me?

The Boylston Subway stop. Where, as I was getting on the T, I hear this voice say "GREG!".... I turn around and it's a girl from SAS who goes to Harvard. How random. Anyway that stop looks real ghetto. It's all dark and shit. And I noticed that at EVERY (at least the ones I went to) there's a flag right above the exit/entrance.

Spring Break '06

2006-03-13T23:44:00.000-05:00

So, Boston Boston. wtf.... Let's start w/the bus ride.

Bus rides are for two kinds of people.
1. College kids (poor ones)
2. Weirdos.

So my trip itinerary runs something like this:
State College >> Harrisburg
Harrisburg>> Philly (with a stop in King of fucking bumfucknowhere Prussia)
Philly >> New York City
New York City >> Boston (stopping at Hartford, CT. and Worcester, MA.)

Then back vv.

My list of things to do were:
1. Visit the Samuel Adams Brewery (I didn't do)
2. Drink all 18 flavors of Sam Adams beer (didn't do either!)
3. Eat sushi (which i did)
4. Eat asian food (which i did)
5. Go clubbing (didn't do.)

So now.... I get on the bus at State College (THATS WHERE MY SCHOOL IS IN CASE YOU FUCKERS DIDN'T KNOW), and sit next to this girl. Leigh Anne. Really nice lady who's travelled lotsa places. Birthday's this friday.... WOO HOO! So I'll probably party it up w/her on St.Patrick's. What's really freaky is... her father is an LTC in the USMC. (Loo-te-nant-Ker-nal in the US Marine Corps). Fuck I'm never gonna get away from the army man.. I swear. It's gonna haunt me for life.

She gets off at Harrisburg. Then some other kids get on. Blah blah.... So I see this redneck looking guy. Baseball cap, leather jacket, moustache. Smells of beer. I find out that he's a fireman and he worked at Ground Zero from the 12th to the 26th, digging people outta the rubble in NY. Not bad. We get to fucking Philly at 11:25pm, and I find out my bus to NY left TEN MINUTES AGO! FUCKERS!!!! And I look around yea..... I'M THE ONLY CHINESE FELLOW in the whole damn bus station. WTF?! I was in.... THE HOOD. At midnight too! But the fireman dude was real nice. He knew the city and went out n got me a sub. Thank god. He even offered me a beer. WOO!!!

And since the bus was late, Greyhound got us a special crazy express service to NY, driven by this lady called Andrea. Normally, the drivers go "ladies and gentlemen, no smoking or alcohol on the bus, blah blah blah thank you for riding Greyhound." But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, this lady goes "Wassup ladies n gentlemen, Good morning. My name is Andrea and I will be driving you guys to NY today. First of all, this bus has rules. Just like everywhere. There will be no drinking on this bus. I do not drink and drive, so you do not drink and ride. Next, there will be no smoking of anything on this bus, no cigarettes or any other stuff. Those two things will take you from being a passenger to a pedestrian real fast. Next, no cellphone use. If you must, speak silenty, we don't wanna hear about your whole life. That, will make you a hitchhiker in no time. If it gets too hot in the bus, take your jacket off. If it gets too cold, put it back on. If you must speak to me, you can come up to the front. But before you do that, let me know so you don't scare the bejeezers out of me. This is for the safetey of all passengers. Thank you." And she flies down the interstate at like 90mph or something, cos we get to NY 45 mins ahead of schedule.

After NY, I take the fucking bus to Boston and ta-da!

The long hiatus

2006-03-13T22:20:00.000-05:00

I apologise to my readers for the abrupt quietness on my blog for the past 3 weeks or so. It was due to these evil things called midterms, which seem small, but in a large scale affect my future. Rox thinks they're really easy. Well, they're not hard. But NS fucks w/your mind and makes it work just a tad slower. So... it's semi-hard.

I will post shit abt my Boston trip tomorrow when I am more coherent.

Politically Incorrect

2006-02-19T00:43:00.000-05:00

So, what is being politically incorrect? Derogatory terms, segretationist terms, genocidical thoughts? Is it the mentality that someone/some group is of a lower lifeform than yourself? Well, how about being elitist? Is that not being condescending towards others too? Is that politcally incorrect?

When you look at someone, and think to yourself: faggot, loser, whore, weird, wacko, hippie, asshole, bitch, etc. you come to a juncture where you stop thinking and start becoming a faggot, loser, whore, weird, wacko, hippie, asshole, bitch etc. yourself. What you do not do, is become anything more than that because your mind closes off itself to understanding others, and becomes an egotistical self-conscious machine. This failure to accept corners you into your own little cage, which is labeled : BIGOT.

Oh California dreamin, on such a Winter's day

2006-02-14T02:21:00.000-05:00

Taken outside the Pattee Library facing downtown. With my phone, hence the poor quality in color and focus.

Btw, I took this picture while driving thru NY on the way here. It's the things from MIB. Queenie Rox maybe you'd like to enlighten me on what these structures are called. They looked dilapidated as f*** though. Rusty iron structures with big flat tops that looked like they belonged somewhere out in the cornfields or tornado-ridden places, ready to be a hazard to the nearby community.

The Underappeciated

2006-02-13T14:57:00.000-05:00

I was sitting in my religious studies class earlier, and my prof was talking about something... I can't remember what. But it's ok because it doesn't have anything to do with this post.

WHatever he was saying, I was thinking about war. And then I was thinking about soldiers. Soldiers in Iraq, OCS cadets training, men on duty. Whatever it is, they're out there right now doing something in the interest of their nations, and here we are sitting on our fat asses (ok, MY fat ass) in the aircon/heat, not worrying about terror or war or perpetrators or threats.

To be underappreciated is a shitty feeling. As much as people hate NS, it contributes to the feeling of security. When your time is up, and someone else is doing your job, think about it. If he wasn't there doing your job, and there was no Army/Armed Forces, you'd be f*cked. You wouldn't be in your chair thinking about what you should eat for lunch/dinner, or if you should play this game on your computer or that, but rather you'd be wondering if your house is gonna get hit by an RPG, or 7.62mm rounds, or if your country is gonna be invaded by the neighboring state. Would you lose your passport? Would you lose your citizenship? Would you lose your right to being a person? Would you lose your life?

Cheers to those who are serving their countries in the name of peace.

The Quiet Mind

2006-02-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

Central Stacks at the Library:

This picture was taken at about 1130hrs. I was looking for my book, and it just so happened that it was tucked away in an unlit aisle. Wtf right? The ceiling was just 2 inches above my head, and the aisles were about a foot wide apart. The perfect place for a murder to happen. CENTRE DAILY TIMES: Singaporean student killed while trying to find book on peace. F***! That would suck. I also heard over dinner that someone was actually killed there before. In the 70's or something. With an icepick. Think: Basic Instinct kinda ice pick.

So I wake up at 10, after sleeping at 4am, to go to the library. I wanted to borrow this book called "The Quiet Mind". Written by an ex-CIA agent who went all over Asia searching for inner peace. So far I'm at Chapter 3, which deals with ESP, and Thai Buddhism in the previous chapters. I think this religion shit is driving me nuts. It's making me search for 'enlightenment', 'liberation' or whatever you want to call that inner peace and oneness with the universe. I think it would be nice to see reality as it is, and not for what it appears to be. It would be good not to strive for material wants, but rather to be at peace with yourself instead of being stuck in the quest for 'happiness'.

Am I abandoning life as we know it? No, of course not. I'd just like to see the world in a different light. I am neither praising the existence or need for religion, nor condemning it, but rather intrigued by its words and motives/goals.

Question from marc (at 0245hrs +8 GMT): Do two extremes of a 'thing' need to exist in order for there to be a contrast between the two? eg. Good/bad

Comments anyone?

The Hookah Lounge @ Nelson Hall

2006-02-04T11:21:00.000-05:00

The 3 Fatties: Scotty (Vik's Roommate), Vik the fat f*ck himself, and Me the water retaining fatass.

Karan, who lives at Nelson and bought the Hookah.

An excuse

2006-02-03T14:13:00.000-05:00

So the end of the study of Hinduism is here. For what I understand so far, the caste system is not a way of discrimiation, but merely a way of institutionalizing the division of labor. (Do correct me if I'm wrong here.) Each caste has its own specific purpose. The Brahmins to do their spiritual duties, Warriors to do their stuff, and so on and so forth.

When you do somthing, it produces Karma. But, the Karma it produces depends on the circumstance upon which the act was committed. Say you steal from a shop for thrills, that'll give you bad karma. On the other hand, if you steal from a shop to give to someone who is dying and in need of food, that might produce good Karma. (Don't quote me on this.) Basically, an action which does not go towards self/personal gratification either produces good Karma, or no Karma at all. By fulfilling your duty in which your caste was intended for, and if that is the only end in your mind, you would not be doing it out of self gain.

Karma = reincarnation. Reincarnation = bad. Bad because that means you have not attained "liberation." Liberation from the cycle of rebirth, which essentially puts your through numerous lifetimes of suffering, eg. death of relatives, friends, loved ones, and finally the self.

So, what is the purpose in your life?

What is 'existence' really about? Be born, be good, be good to others, live well, and then die. Every religion tries to explain that this lifetime is not the only one you live, but one of many, or just one of a few. What if there was no such thing. You were here just to... BE HERE. (And thereafter f*ck off)? Would it not be simpler to go experience life for what it were, and not have an explanation?

Is religion an excuse for existence?

How I wish I could...

2006-01-28T19:39:00.000-05:00

A very happy Chinese New Year indeed.....

After a very good dinner of Roast Beef sub with olives, onions and pepper, curly friens and a Heiny... I wake up to find myself in the room down the hall having 2 Smirnoff Citrus shots for breakfast. Vik and I decide to take a bus ride down town, to eat at The Waffle Place at 3pm. The two buses that go down town just left, so we decide to take the first one that comes. It's THE RED LINK. Ok what the hell...

Pleased after getting lost 6 miles from campus:

So it goes to this place called Innovation Park... which is.. I don't know. And it stops there for 10 mins, doing godknowswhat. We're both like AHHHHHHHH WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT TO THE WAFFLE PLACE!! HURRY UP!!!.... the bus driver comes up and he's like "so you figured out you're on the wrong bus?" "YES SIRREE!! HEE HEE!!!"... hahaha.. drunk bastards we are.

Driving past the stadium.... and going the wrong direction:

So we make it to the waffle place, and have the most amazing breakfastlunchdinner (my Saturday MEAL.) 5 bucks for 3 pancakes, 2 eggs, and 4 strips of bacon. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM............................

And then I come back and fall asleep. =D

SATURDAYS AT PENN STATE. I LIKE.

Friday night Dinners

2006-01-27T19:46:00.000-05:00

The way Friday night dinners were supposed to be. A roast beef sub, curly fries, and a HEINEKEN!

The result of Wal*Mart:

Another result:

Screwdrivers on a Thursday night

2006-01-26T22:43:00.000-05:00

I'm tired of this shit. All you fuckers from 6 SIR... COME HERE NOW!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tissue for headgear

2006-01-23T23:18:00.000-05:00

When your roommate needs to sleep, and you would like to be nice by not shining light into his face, get a piece of toilet paper (because I'm poor and don't have tissue) and wrap it around your lamp. It diffuses the light. At least photography class taught me something. This is my roommate's cool lamp which he lent to me. It's this robot dude and twists and turns any way you want him to. The positions possible are infinite. (Ladies, you'd like that a lot. I know you would. Stop blushing and don't lie.)

And when it's late and you're hungry, you make this:

Oh, by the way, I changed my address cos I moved rooms. Here is the updated one:

http://gregyip.blogspot.com/2006/01/my-address_10.html

Oh.. whatever makes her happy... on a Saturday night...

2006-01-21T17:05:00.000-05:00

Since it was a nice day out this morning, instead of getting the forecasted showers, I decided to go out to take a couple of pix before having breakfastlunchdinner (that's ONE meal, btw) with Vik at 2pm.

Vik:

Tussey Mountain Ski Place in the background:

Pollock Rd. One of the streets which cuts the campus into half, North-South:

The Academic Study of Religion

2006-01-18T19:15:00.000-05:00

If you're reading this right now, and fully digesting it (unlike myself during class), you should be paying me about 100 bucks or something. This is like FREE Religious Studies 001 class right here.

My professor defines religion as "Ultimate Concern". What does this mean? It means that for every religion, regardless of its origin or beliefs, has its own "thing" that it cares about. eg. Christians and God, Muslims and Allah, Buddhists and Nirvana, etc. The "thing" is transcendental. It does not exist in time, nor in space, as we physically do. So now, remove your perception that "religion" is "praying", or "going to church/temple/mosque", or "worshiping". Think of it as Ultimate Concern. For example, if your ultimate concern is to make tons n tons of money, then money is your religion. If it is to get a 5.0 GPA, then that is your religion. Comprende?

So today in class we talked about the 5 functions of religion. (It helps people defines these things.)

1. Happiness. What does it mean to be happy? Religion helps people define happiness. In most religions, happiness is internally based. Material wealth canNOT bring you happiness because it is subject to change. Say you buy a flashy sports car, you think you're happy. But when it gets banged up or scratched, you're unhappy. Internally based happiness is the same, whether you just won the lottery, or got shot 4 times. You're still happy.

2. Meaning. Meaning to what?? Meaning to life. There was this psychologist who interviewed 60 honor roll students, all of whom attempted suicide, and asked them why. Their response: "Life is meaningless." What does that mean exactly? What is the purpose of your life?

3. Values. I'm not gonna talk about this. Because this is subjective. But religion gives you priorities and things. Ethics is another different issue altogether.

4. Identity. Ask yourself this. "Who am I?" Simple to ask, hard to answer. The words aren't even that hard. All less than FOUR letters. Even IGOR knows those words. Your social identity is one where you're known by your name, your friends, who your mother and father are, brother, sister, where you're from, etc. It gives you a label. But your religious identity gives you a location in the universe. So.... who are you?

5. Death. Religion helps people deal with death. It looks death straight in the face and says "Why does this happen? What is the purpose of death?"

Gets your brain going a little doesn't it?

REWARD!! $50 FOR ANYONE WHO KILLS THE BELOWMENTIONED!!

2006-01-17T21:57:00.000-05:00

I finally understand what it means when people talk about a FOB. It sounds derogatory but that's just the fact of it.

There's this kid, R**i, whom I shall decline to fully name, that annoys the f*ck out of me. First time I met him he was really nice and everything, cos we're both sitting in the International Student Services lounge like idiots who don't know where the hell we are.

Then comes Stat class. I'm in it with him. I walk in the door, and I see him on my left. So I'm like "hey let's sit in that corner." He goes "no, you come here." Nobody orders me around. Except maybe my parents, or OC or CO or whoever right? I ask him why, and he repeats "come here." WTF? That's encounter #1.

Now comes #2. It's 10pm (this was just last night), and he calls me "Hey Greg can you come help me man? It's 15 degrees out here (-10 Deg C) and I've got 6 baggages." So me, being nice, I do. I have a sweater, and a jacket on, and it's STILL cold. I go out, help him carry like 20kgs of his stuff to his room. I'm about to leave when he goes "STAY." I tell him I've got work and I really gotta get going. "STAY AND EAT." WTF??? I've had dinner so I decline. "HAVE MORE." WTF x 2 ??? I walk off.

#3. I got my friend Vik with me in business class. And R**i always saves us seats. That's nice, but .... I really don't wanna be sitting next to some kid who hates the professor (after only ONE class and he's passed judgement), and talks nonstop. Vik sits down and leaves the seat next to R**i empty. I have no choice but to resign to fate. As I'm getting into the seat, he goes "SHOW ME YOUR NOTES." I lie and say I didn't make any, but he repeats himself and goes "I KNOW YOU DO. SHOW ME." Here I am, trying to take my jacket off, and I have this kid breathing down my neck about notes. "GIVE ME THEM." FUCK OFF BIATCH! CAN I JUST SIT DOWN AND TAKE MY JACKET OFF BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE?? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??....... Then class starts and when I take notes, he takes notes. When I don't, he doesn't. GET A LIFE MAN.

#4 and final. So he needs a Stat book for homework. He goes to the library... then comes to my room to borrow it. Instead of using the book to look at the questions, he goes... "SHOW ME YOUR WORK." ?? ANOTHER ORDER?? YOU BETTER STOP BEFORE I RUN OUT AND GET MY GUN LICENCE. So I do, rudely. And just get my ass online to ignore him. Instead of looking at the questions, I see him COPYING MY ANSWERS DOWN. now that is W T F x 1 million. FUCK YOU MAN. If you're so fucking ass competitive, get the fuck outta my room. I just offered out of good will, but you're COPYING MY ANSWERS?? Honestly, it was okay in high school to "help your friends out". But you don't learn anything from copying. And if you're smart, you shouldn't even be copying at all.

FUCK YOU R**I!!!!

FIRE FUCKING ALARMS

2006-01-15T03:54:00.000-05:00

It's FOUR in the FUCKING morning. and WHY am I up???

BECAUSE SOME MOTHERFUCKER WAS SMOKING IN HIS ROOM AND SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM. TWICE. In a span of FUCKING FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!! MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's fucking -10 Deg C outside WITH THE WIND BLOWING so minus another 5 or so for that shit! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!

Pyrex

2006-01-14T23:39:00.000-05:00

What the f*** is Pyrex? Well, my dad bought it at Wal Mart for me. 2, actually. It's just a glass bowl with a rubber cover, kinda like Tupperware. Both parts are microwave-proof. So when I wake up in the morning, I just dump some water in with a pack of instant noodles and press 5 mins. DING!!! And there's my first meal of the day. Healthy huh.

I used it to cook a bowl of Instant Rice just now. Mushroom Flavor. Um.. can't take a pic cos the packet's in the trash right now. But I will, when I get more. It was pretty good.

So let me remind myself what the f*ck I'm doing home on a Saturday Night. First thing's first, I just realized I have a ton of shit to read. Second thing, I still think drinking to get drunk is stupid. I think the next time I'll go out is when I turn 21, so I can just go down to a bar and have a beer and cigar.... mmmmmm...... awesome.

My awesome shitty ass room =)

2006-01-13T19:46:00.000-05:00

So that's my desk. Looks about the same as the one I have at home. MESSY. hahaha.. Organized mess. =) That's the way it should be. There is order in chaos. Always. If you need me to, I can help you with your room anytime. 1800-FOR-GREG.

In light of my previous post about frats and stuff, Jamie asked me what I wanted out of college, if not partying and all that shit? I sorta discovered that yesterday. I was walking back from class with a friend, Vik, and we saw the tennis courts. He plays, I don't. But he was like "Dude you wanna play? I'll teach you." So we got some tennis rackets from the gym (how awesome, they loan out equipment) and headed to the courts for an hour. Good workout. Then on the way back, there were planes flying in the sky, leaving white trails against the clear blue. And then right behind that was a full moon. BEAUTIFUL. And thus, my question was answered. You don't come halfway around the world to get smashed every weekend. You can do that at home man. Or... whenever you want. I think I came here to learn new things, see some sights, meet new people, relax and get away from the hectic-ness of Singapore. If you think I'm an old boring fart, go right ahead. It's all good. I'lljusthuntyoudownwhenIgetmygunlicence.

Btw Jamie is my dad's friend's daughter. I can't remember if I've mentioned her previously. But we were at the airport on New Year's Day, and just as we're checking in, my parents see an old classmate from VJC. Imagine that, a classmate from 30 years ago. So he asks where we're going, and my dad says Penn State. And his friend goes "OH! I just sent my daughter there this fall!!" NO WAY. So my mom gives me her email, so when I get here I'm not a lost sheep. I get over here, email her, she emails back, and ta-da, we finally meet up. The funniest thing is, she told me that her roommates were like "What if he's really short and ugly??" and freaked her out. Good to know that's not what she thinks of me. So yes, that's Jamie.

Anyways here's another picture of my awesome tiny room.

ps. It's not messy. It's "lived in". The new look for 2006. (added in after some thought on a boring Saturday night.)

www.lemonparty.org

2006-01-11T23:36:00.000-05:00

So my rommmate and I are watching E!... and they have this guy dressing up as Prince Charles.. and then this other guy dressing up as Camilla Parker.. AND THEY START MAKING OUT!!... then my roommmate directs me to the abovementioned site.. and ... I am officially scarred for life. Makes you wonder what it is, doesn't it? CLICKONITYOUKNOWYOUWANTTO!!!!

School's pretty alright so far. Um... my professors end their classes at 30 mins, when the class is supposed to be 50 mins long. And some classes have no assignments, just lotsa reading. The weird thing is, the books are like those we had in SAS. So I guess going there was good. Hmmm.. Works your brain real hard so college is kinda like the "same" thing, academically, of course.

I've met a couple of frat brothers. Somehow I think joining a frat is just because you wanna make more friends, feel more socially accepted, and things like that. I dunno. Insecure perhaps? Or....... will someone please enlighten me? I know it's got free booze, and stuff... but.. FUCK YOU CAN GET BOOZE ANYTIME. *rolls eyes*

The weather here's super f*cked up. Today it was 50 something degrees (F), and it was R A I N I N G. So I had to bust out my Gore Tex jacket (Yes... the SAF one)... but hell it worked really well. And my friend said it was "hot".. like.. nice looking. So DOES ANYBODY WANT TO MAIL ME MY No.4s??

Ok.. I'm gonna go back to my readings now.