If the world were blind:

Would it be a sin to see?

Would there be anything to even see?

Would there be "time"?

Would 'red' be 'hot', and 'blue' be 'cold'?

Would you want to see?

The reality of the Infinite Multiverse

If only the infinite multiverse were certain. If only it were a dream. When you go to bed, and dream, you're actually awake in a parallel universe. If only every night you dreamt and woke up in a different place. If only this were merely the dream of another "me" in another realm.

If only we'd all stay awake. And never have to dream a bad dream. Ever again.

If only.

(Yea yea, if if if. "If my mother had balls I wouldn't be here." - Then LTA Adrian.) Fuck that.

I don't want to....

I don't want end up telling my children that I hated college life.

Is Counterculture a culture of its own?

So I've been thinking that perhaps the reason I like trance, photography, art, films, and pondering about aesthetics and mysteries of the universe is because I am anti-mainstream. I was listening to the radio today, and there was Nickeback, Jay-Z and all those mainstream artistes on. And for some reason, they just don't interest me. It's not BAD music, but ... it's not just... appealing. I've been listening to indie music since I knew how to look for them on the internet. Then from there, a little more mainstream in terms of Oasis, Radiohead, etc. After that came the discovery of trance/ambient/electronic, and I've never looked back. Right now in college all people listen to is hip hop/R&B, and "college music" like The Fray, Angels and Airwaves, Snow Patrol, Gym Class Heroes, etc. I've gotten into a jazz phase, as well as a classic rock phase. Is that trying to be anti-mainstream?


So my friend May (who's here with me for Thanksgiving break) loves her school to bits. And she says she gets sad when she hears people hating their school. Like me for instance. Cos it's paying so much money to go to a place you hate. And also, it's supposed to be the best time of your life. I mean, I can't wait to get out to go to work, because working life is so fun. College life blows. Schedules, homework, drunk kids, immature fuckers. I mean. Seriously. Should I transfer?

I remember the days when I used to get drunk every weekend in Manila. I think I stopped getting drunk after that. I don't know why. I didn't see a point. I didn't see a need. I didn't see a want to wake up with a hangover on Saturday and Sunday mornings. But I did it. Was it "going w/the flow"? I remember having so much fun. Should I go back to doing it? Just so I can forget about how fucking shitty my school is? It's so tiring to fight it. But that's just me. So should I keep fighting it?

Maybe one day it'll all stop. And I'll wake up from this shitty dream.

This one's for Eloera

So the moment I get in the car and drive 5m out of the parking lot, it starts raining. But I'm thinkin.... "ah... fuck it it won't get heavier." I couldn't have been more wrong. By this time I'm already half way to the golf course, and it's too much of a hassle to turn back.

I get to the place, pay for my green fee, and start hacking away. On the 14th hole, I see this guy playing alone. And he goes "Hey what's up? You alone?" and I say yea, cos it's fun to just be out here when it's all nice and quiet. He tells me his name is Neil, and is doing his PhD in Education. Me, undergrad, from Sillypore. Which makes him startle, cos "now that's a looooong way from here now innit? Way farther than North Dakota." He's "Native American, indigenous peoples, yannow?"

So he goes on to tell me his story about how he moves around a lot, and actually lived in Minnesota his whole life, instead of ND. Then randomly switches to talk about people here. Cos he notices how my swing sucks. And was talkin about how he could've won the last tournament if he didn't have back pain. He's saying "they didn't want me to win. This place is filled with fuckin' hicks and racist people." No doubt about it. And also how members of the golf course here don't invite him to play (his golf buddies moved away to other states). I told him I go pretty often, and if we meeet we could definitely play. He says sure. Then tells me something which I thought I was meant to hear. Cos I didn't give two shits about the rain and drove out to the course:

"But ya know what man, you just gotta keep doin what you do. Never quit. That's the only way you're gonna get anywhere in life. Don't quit, my boy."

How's that for meeting random people. And meeting people for a reason?

So I'm lookin out the window...

And I come to another realization of why I resent Penn State. I see the kids and their families decked out in their football jerseys, walking to the stadium, ready to watch the team trample on Temple. (wow, a lot of T's there.) Then on AIM, everyone's away message says "Let's Go State!". Why State, and not Penn State? Well, no shit, what other state can there be if all you know IS Pennsylvania?

When these kids were growing up, and thinking of college, probably the only place they could think of, and wanted to go, was Penn State. And when they're finally here, it's like having a dream come true, therefore they embrace every single moment of it as if it were their dream. They let their lives be consumed by "college". (It isn't just a place anymore, it's a culture.)

So how does this relate to where I stand? Well, Penn State for me was more like an "I guess I'll just go here..." instead of "fuck fuck fuckity fuck if I don't get in I'll be so disappointed" kinda place for me. I applied to more schools in Boston and MA than lower south. UVA and U Penn ..... too smart for me, honestly. Maybe that's the cause of it all? Not wanting to be here in the first place.

Chillax

The day with its cares and perplexities is ended and the night is now upon us. The night should be a time of peace and tranquility, a time to relax and be calm. We have need of a soothing story to banish the disturbing thoughts of the day, to set at rest our troubled minds, and put at ease our ruffled spirits. - Samuel M. Johnson

Currently listening to: Rickie Lee Jones.

The ones who are worth it.

So lately, I haven't been posting cos I've started to hate college, and having a shitty time dealing with it.

I just wanna thank the people who've been around to help me deal, and those whom I know would be around if they could. These people care because, they just do. Not because you have anything to offer them, but because they have something to offer you.

Only in times of dire need do you figure out who your true friends are.