No More Fucking Facebook

Currently listening to: Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel - America & Emiliana Torrini - Unemployed in Summertime

Everyone's asking me why I quite Facebook. Just a few simple reasons:

-All the newsfeed shows are pictures of my so-called friends getting wasted with red plastic cups.
-We all know how I hate red plastic cups.
-We all know how I hate drunk kids.
-We all know I hate college.

Facebook serves as a daily reminder of why I hate college so much. As much as I love it for keeping in touch with my friends, it has pissed me off too much. My friends can reach me on MSN, AIM, email, and cellphone. You guys know I never turn my phone off. Perhaps one day I will return to it, but not anytime soon. Out of sight, out of mind. Hopefully for good.

From my buddy Jason: "I didn't expect u to stay long in facebook pending your long history of despising instituitions of social networking that fail to even scratch the surface of human ingenuity."

Well said my friend.

Gilmore Girls

So, most of my lady friends know that I love the Gilmore Girls. That sounds seriously gay but who cares. The mom is hot. That's all that matters. (Gay, you say?) I think the scriptwriter must be on crack, because they talk so fast, and have such witty remarks that nobody would think of in a split second. It's cute though. And the mom is hot.

Here's what Family Guy thinks of it:


From today's re-run on ABC Family:

Priest: A woman's virtue is a gift... and... once that gift is given away, it cannot be re-given. Do you know what I'm saying?
Rory: No..... not quite.
Priest: Well, this gift can only be given to one man, and one man only. So you must choose wisely. And if you cannot give it to the man you marry... then you'll just have to buy him a sweater.
Rory: Ah. Well my gift ship has left the dock and sailed..... a while ago. It's probably in Fiji by now.
Priest: Oh.
Rory: Have you seen the 40-Year Old Virgin? I think you might like it.


The mom is hot. Period.

2007: The Year of Change

My friend Terrie and I had a rough year (Fall 2006, and Spring 2007). At the turn of the last calendar year, I managed to quit smoking and dealt w/my alcoholism. Then my grades got better, and transitioned into one of the best summers I've had in a while. As for Terrie, things looked up too. She started running, doing more cardio, getting things done, like how she wanted it.

The past two months here have shown me a lot more about change. I still hold my resentment towards State College, for making my life a duality of silent misery and enthusiasm for education. I vow never to return again. As you grow, your thoughts get deeper. You get more discerning. You learn to make decisions and actions that hold greater consequence, and accept responsibility for those consequences. You learn to push through, not veering off the course you've chosen.

I'm afraid I can't say the same for some people - the ones that I trusted, the ones whom I thought mattered just a little more than the everyday acquaintance. I'm glad for the ones who are have not failed me time and time again. They'll be coming to my wedding and having champagne for breakfast. (and lunch, and dinner.)

I'm also glad I've met a handful of genuine people here. Better than none. And I'm thankful. It's a good change.

So begins another little chapter in my life, where I have decided to let the following people out of my life:
-the ones who are fucked up
-the ones who don't care
-the ones who pretend to care
-the ones who don't want to grow up
-the ones who will never grow up

And welcome the following:
-the ones who are genuine
-the ones who care
-the ones who try
-the ones who want to grow up
-the ones who make me smile from time to time

2007: The Year of Change.

A thought from 1 million stolen ecstacy pills.

You're born, you take shit.
Get out in the world, you take more shit.
Climb a little higher, take less shit.
Till one day you're up in the rarified atmosphere,
and you've forgotten what shit even looks like.

-Layer Cake

And where do you go?

I think the feeling of resentment towards college life stems from one thing. Loneliness. It's not something manly to admit, or something that's easy to admit at all, but what can you do when that's the truth? There's a great sense of abandonment. I grew up being very independent, individualistic, and not really wanting or needing anything from anybody. But I guess getting older makes you realize that humans are social creatures, and hermits are just nutcases. (Or people with extreme mental strength.) And as time drifts by, you get better at discerning the true friends from the ones that are just there to hang out with. Social friends. Not the ones you'd invite to your wedding, and definitely not the ones who would come to your funeral.

So when you stand alone, and your friends aren't physically there for you, where do you go? Jesus? Muhammed? God? My disillusionment with religion came after I lived in Manila and saw the poor praying all day, sitting in their shanty towns, and... praying some more. Money's not gonna fall from the sky man.. I've turned to cigarettes and alcohol more than once in hope of distracting my mind. Didn't really work out well. I'm considering turning there again, despite having experienced the pitfalls of these substances. I never wanted to be in the position where if I didn't have something, I'd pray for it. I never wanted to use religion as a crutch.

But I guess life is forcing me to consider that as an option. And I guess God/whomever's up there, is giving me the biggest chance in the world to learn about myself. That was my goal of coming out to the middle of nowhere: to receive an education for my future, and more importantly, to have time to reflect about my life - who I am, who I was, and who I REALLY want to be. I don't think life was meant to be easy. Although I think the trick to life is making it LOOK easy. So this experience here in bumfuck nowhere isn't any different. It's hard. It's lonely. It gives me time to reflect about who I am and who I want to be. And I think I'm getting a pretty fucking good idea.

I really miss home. My family. Grandma, aunts, cousins, uncles, bro, sis, dog. My car. My friends who would do anything for me at the drop of a dime. (Whom I'd do the same for.) Ultimately, these are the people who matter. I don't have to put their names down. They know who they are.

I don't want pity, nor attention. I want support. But I'm too proud to ask for it. Fuck me.

College demographics

Hmm.. more thoughts on college while I'm on a roll.

I went to coffee on Wed night w/a colleague, and she happened to provide me with some insight regarding the demographics of Penn State college kids. "What you have here, are white, middle-class kids from Pennsylvania. They live in the suburbs and in towns. They love sports, beer, and football." I'm glad she said that because it's been something I've bitched about a lot, but never really had a pinpoint definition or phrase for it.

I sorta remember writing about class differences a while ago, but through review of my own blog I didn't really find anything. So here goes (sorry if you have to read this all over again). My personal opinion on class isn't really about money, but rather they way one carries oneself. You could be really rich, but trashy like Paris Hilton. Or, you could have just enough to live, but carry yourself with dignity and modesty. Yea, I'm sure money has to play a part in it, because the affluent have more money to go for fine dining, attend cocktails etc. which allows the youth of that "social class" to be exposed to more demure behaviour. Go figure the cause & effect.

I bitched to Marc about being sick and tired of kids who rattle on about football statistics, like how many rush/pass yards this one team has, what the completion percentage is for a particular QB. But then he threw it back at me and goes "But we rattle on about 0-100km/h stats for cars, horsepower, handling and weight distribution."

So I guess it boils down to rattling on about diff things. I like electronic music, films, european cars, art, clothing, shoes. College kids like radio music, football, marijuana, frat parties. Well, Penn State college kids that is. A friend visited over the weekend from NY, and her boyfriend who goes to MIT came along too. Both of them agreed that they can't believe I go to school here because... it's not ME. (But here I am.) And at MIT/Wellesley the party scene is very different. Not so meat-head-y, and you can apparently strike up an intellectual conversation at a party. (Which I've yet to find here.)

Which leads me to think, are my peers from high school enjoying college more than I am, because they're in a more intellectual environment? (Most of them are in Ivy Leagues. Or the good schools in England.) I'm not trying to say that I'm really smart or anything, but I did go to a school that was really challenging, academically, and the kids were smart. (My lifestyle didn't really reflect it, though.) So maybe I was used to just talking about more things other than sports and "how hard classes are" and .... THE WEATHER. And arriving here was a sudden damper in the flow of those things.

Someone mentioned to me that she hated her freshman year at Penn State. I was frankly quite surprised, thinking that she was a PSU lover. I guess I assumed wrongly. She hated it because she did "college" things, just for the sake of doing them. She'd drink a lot because everyone else was doing it, and then hate the hangovers but still continue. Then she'd tell her parents she was having a good time and really liking college just because that was what people told their parents, and she didn't wanna be a whiner or something.

It's nice to know that there are people who don't enjoy it here too. Not because I hate it, and want more anger towards school, but just to know that someone sorta understands. I don't think college culture will change though. It's been this way since ..... 1855. (That's the date my school was established. Kids here love the quote: "Having more fun than you since 1855." You weren't born back then, dumbass.)

I actually do feel bad when writing stuff like that, about differences and whatnot. It sounds kinda condescending doesn't it? But my friend Hannah says that's what a blog is for. So here it is. Deal with it.

Lost in the High Glow

Currently listening to: Taxigirl - High Glow

But what if I lose my way?

Borrowed from Kristina.

"Recipe for failure: take one part natural talent, two parts stellar education, mix with easy success and a generous helping of booze, drugs, and women, and immediately set on fire." -Anthony Bourdain

I love my life.

Fuck life.

Previously listening to: Imogen Heap - Hide & Seek (DJ Tiesto's In Search of Sunrise 6 Mix)
Currently listening to: Imogen Heap - Hide & Seek (Dj Yukun's U2 vs Imogen Heap Mash Mix)
Loves listening to: right. Like we can't tell.

This morning I woke up ... at 645am for my class... and it was dark. It was a sudden awakening, to the sound of Daft Punk's 'Aerodynamic'. It used to be bright in the mornings. But it's getting darker. Brighter later, darker earlier, darker longer. I was happily dreaming about being at MoS with the boys and especially my lil brother Gabe... with Armin Van Buuren spinning a 4hr set. (He's coming to DC on Nov 10, that's why.) Then as we're walking outside... I dream that a guy on the street has 'Aerodynamic' as his ring tone.. and....... yea.

I think I have Seasonal Depression. I guess a lot of people suffer from it. So it's not big deal. But hey, it's happening. The weekend was spent rather sober. Thanks to the fucking sciatica in my left leg. "Don't be drinkin now Greg." - Dr.Patterson. Not that I drink a lot anyways.

Saturday was spent drinking a Hoegaarden out of a hexagonal pint glass. "It brings out the flavor." Damn fucking straight it does. Drinking out of a glass let's you taste the beer, and if the glass is deep, you can even smell the orange peels rising outta that Hoegaarden. (Heineken requires a different glass, and so does stout, or any other lager etc. Go figure, bitch.)

Then I went to see Evan Almighty with Scotty boy. Twas a sober day. I don't know man. I went to see it cos it's a funny movie, and cos of Lauren Graham. Funny as it is, it made me think about God and religion in general. A couple weeks ago, as I was pondering about all this shit... two guys come up to me for a little survey using picturecards. They were from CRU (some Christian organization on campus) which... was fine with me. And one of them gave me a book titled 'Jesus without Religion'. (I read two chapters and exams happened. But I shall post about it when I'm done.) Which... kinda made me think about "God works in mysterious ways." Ya know? It always hits you when you least expect it. "When people ask God for patience, he doesn't just suddenly give them all the tolerance in the world. He gives them an opportunity to acquire it." - Morgan Freeman as 'God'. Well, that wasn't a quote but it was somewhere along those lines. So.... is this an opportunity for 'salvation' and so I won't burn in hell for eternity when I'm done with this life?

I guess Saturday was movie night. Cos we went back to the apartment and put Layer Cake on. If you haven't seen it, you should. It stars Daniel Craig (james Bond?) and Sienna Miller (crazy bitch from Alfie who is super hot). It's got a crazy plot and involves lots of drugs and some violence. British movie, so... funny ass comments. It's also got a sick soundtrack. (Which is on repeat in my iPod. eg. FC Kahuna's 'Hayling' and the Stones' 'Gimme Shelter'.) What I loved too was the tailored blazers, suits... boots.. jeans... all that GQ shit. This "boss" dude was riding around in a Bentley with his own security force, and his driver was ex-Scotland Yard. I bet he's got his personal clothier too (judging from the fact that he has his own library.) Keeps life in perspective.

I don't know. I think being sober in this town is getting to me. I need a night @ Hacienda with the boys, downing a pint (yes, just one.) of Hoegaarden or Kilkenny or some proper beer on tap. Why do we pay 8 bucks for a pint? Cos of the fucking ambience dumbass! Cos I wanna drink my beverage out of a GLASS. Not a fucking red plastic cup. Cos I wanna taste beer. Not fill my bladder with callous fluid. I wanna talk about shit I can't afford, like that new BMW 330Ci that costs SGD300K or whatever. About the new Audi A5 that's coming out, or the Maserati Quattroporte (in white with Tan interior) I'd like as a family car when I'm about 40-45. Or about how Stephen loves Chinese movies although he's Indian, Ben's hardcore gayness, Adriel's 'power fade' that could possibly return to the tee box. About those times we shared in the depths of Maju Camp, happily typing emails at 7am, writing documents till 4am for the 6am run/march/activity. About LIFE.

Fuck that "light" beer out of a nasty silver can. Fuck the red plastic cup. Fuck beer pong and flipcup. Fuck vodka in a plastic 1.75L bottle (are you serious?? Doesn't cleaning alcohol come out of a plastic bottle??). Fuck drinking till you get drunk. Fuck brightly lit apartment parties that make you feel self conscious and awkward because you don't know anyone but who gives a fuck because everyone else is feeling the same way. Fuck the state troopers. Fuck dirty elevators. Fuck seasonal depressional disorder. Fuck that cigarettes cause cancer. Fuck the niceties of a small rural town in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Fuck life. FUCK COLLEGE.




I'd buy one.